


Against Reason

by punkcatknitter



Series: Branch Breakers [1]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Branch Breakers, California, Divorce, Domestic Violence, Drama, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gen, He fought good and hard against it, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Infidelity, Jess did not want to be the hero in this story, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Road Trips, Romance, Running Away, Self-Harm, Unplanned Pregnancy, Venice Beach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 02:04:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 29,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3832969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkcatknitter/pseuds/punkcatknitter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two people affected by Rory and Dean's infidelity find themselves thrown together and eventually, help each other heal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fate is Cruel

**Author's Note:**

> So I finally decided to archive my old GG fics here for posterity, with the original author's notes if I still have them. Some are better than others, but I was so proud of them at the time. This one is circa 2005-06.
> 
> This probably isn't one of my best GG stories ever, but it was my first foray into a ship I created and grew very attached to, that of Jess and Dean's wife Lindsay. I don't remember who named it, but it came to be called Branch Breakers (because Lindsay liked Michelle Branch and Jess would have broken her CDs). 
> 
> A very special thanks to all my Lit friends who gave this ship a chance and cheered me on as I wrote. Extra special thanks to Ali who made me a fan vid for this story that still makes me smile when I see it. 
> 
> Anyway, if you made it through all that, I hope you enjoy the story.

**A/N:**  This is something that just came to me one night. Literally. A rabid bunny humming Michelle Branch songs made me write it. I swear! I'm dying to see what everyone thinks, so be sure and leave some feedback.   
 **  
Chapter One: Fate is Cruel**  
  
Lindsay collapsed, knees giving out on her as she cried. She cried for her lost youth, her failed marriage, for the man she'd loved who had deserted her. She cried for the woman he had turned to because she wasn't enough for him, she never had been. She was just a brief stop of his on his way to Rory.  
  
Jess wanted to walk away, he really did. Every ounce of intelligence in his body told him to leave, to never look back at the small blonde sobbing on the sidewalk. It wasn't his problem. He hardly knew her. He had enough issues of his own without a whiny Michelle Branch listening girl on his plate. Walk away, he instructed himself.  
  
He just couldn't.  
  
Her entire body shook with her sobs. He'd never seen anyone cry that hard before, not even his mom when his grandmother had died. She looked like her whole life was crashing down, which was exactly why he shouldn't get involved.  
  
Jess ignored his inner voices as he set down his duffle bag in the bushes and stepped out onto the lawn. She didn't look up, didn't even notice as rain started pouring down, soaking them both.  
  
"Lindsay?" he said softly, approaching her slowly. He was afraid of spooking her, as if she were a deer rather than a girl. "Are you okay?"  
  
Tearstained cheeks and red swollen eyes looked up at him as if he were crazy. Of course she wasn't okay. If she was okay she wouldn't be out in the pouring rain crying her eyes out. Okay people didn't do that. She turned back away, but not before Jess caught sight of a large purple bruise on her cheek.  
  
"What the," he muttered, reaching out to touch her arm. She shrank away from him like he was a murderer, which for all she knew, he could be. No doubt she had heard nothing but wonderful things about him from Dean, Jess thought sarcastically.  
  
Speaking of Dean, Jess shook his head. He wouldn't have.... who was Jess kidding? He'd never been impressed with the jerk. Not to mention, Dean had certainly tried to fight him more than once. He looked down at Lindsay. They might not even be together anymore. After all, Dean had been at Rory's down a little over a week earlier. Jess glimpsed a simple gold band on Lindsay's left ring finger.  
  
Jess grabbed Lindsay's chin and forced her to look at him. "What happened?" he demanded.  
  
"I-I-I knew where he was," she stammered, the tears flowing faster, although it was hard to tell with the rain beating down on them. Jess was soaked, and cold, but he needed to find out what was going on first.  
  
"Where was he?"  
  
Lindsay jerked her face away from Jess as she whispered. "He was with her."  
  
Jess didn't even have to ask who "her" was. He just knew. The though cut through his body like he was being stabbed, but somehow, he knew it was true. He knew Dean, and apparently knew nothing about Rory, if what she had said to him just days before proved anything. He was actually afraid to ask Lindsay anything else. He just didn't want to know.  
  
"Lindsay?" he asked softly as he knelt beside her on the damp pavement. Ignoring the cold that permeated straight through his jeans, he put his arm around her shoulders.  
  
She didn't pull away this time, but she didn't exactly warm to his awkward embrace either. "How do you know my name?" she whispered, her voice hoarse from the tears.  
  
"You were at that party with," Jess paused, not wanting to upset her any more by saying his name. "Rory introduced us." As he said it he realized saying her name wasn't much better, but the words had already left his lips, so there was nothing left for him to do.  
  
She blinked slowly, looking him in the eye for the first time that night. "I didn't think you liked me very much."  
  
"I didn't." Jess tugged on her sleeve. "Let's get out of the rain."  
  
"I don't have anywhere to go." Lindsay bit her lip as she started to cry again.  
  
Geez. Jess cringed, not being one to deal well with tears. He couldn't seem to make himself leave her alone, but at the same time, he didn't want to watch her cry anymore.  
  
An idea popped into his head and he voiced it without thinking. "So, come with me."  
  
Two hours later, Jess sat in an uncomfortable chair with an unopened beer in his hands. Lindsay had fallen asleep almost immediately after they checked in. Sprawled on the single queen-sized bed in the cheap motel room, her face had finally relaxed. Her arms were curled protectively around her pillow. She clutched it as a child would a favorite stuffed animal, but she was a woman.  
  
It was almost hard to realize that, looking at this broken girl sleeping soundly across the room from him. Why had be brought her here? He wondered. The whole situation was ridiculous. Tears or no tears, he shouldn't have asked her to come.  
  
The only person he wanted with him was with her married ex-boyfriend and the girl on the bed beside him was one of his least favorite people in the world.  
  
Fate is cruel.  
  
Jess gave up and shoved the can of beer back into the mini-bar. The only thing it would be useful for that night was bringing down the swelling on Lindsay's cheek.  
  
Speaking of which, he walked around the bed to take a better look at the hand-shaped imprint on her cheek. He'd known Dean was a jerk, but somehow he'd never seen him as a wife-beater. Boy, does Rory know how to pick 'em, he thought bitterly. He might not have been there for her all the time, but at least he'd never hit a girl in his life, with the exception of his cousin Emilie when he was two, and he didn't remember that so it didn't count.  
  
Lindsay sighed in her sleep, and he gritted his teeth. Thinking about the jerk, or Rory, was not going to make things better. All he could do now was get some sleep and hope that everything and everyone would go away in the morning.  
  
No such luck.


	2. Therapeutic Shopping

Lindsay woke early, her eyes opening to find Jess lying beside her on the bed, drooling onto the bedspread. He hadn’t even bothered to get under the covers.

She crept into the bathroom. He was sleeping soundly, but she didn’t want to risk waking him. She stared into the mirror at herself. The bruise was darker now, but it at least didn’t have the hand shape it had appeared in the night before.

It wasn’t all his fault. She said things that hurt more than a single slap. He’d deserved them and she’d been angry.

He deserved to hurt.

 

_“Hello? Hellooo?” A click came from the other line, signaling that whomever it was had hung up. Lindsay sighed. Probably a telemarketer, she thought. Then she looked at the caller ID box._

_Her._

_Lindsay closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry. It didn’t mean anything. Maybe they were just friends. Even as she thought the words she knew that they weren’t true._

_He was lying to her. He’d told her that he wouldn’t see Rory anymore. He’d lied to her._

_When the front door opened twenty minutes later, Lindsay was calmly sitting on the couch._

_Waiting._

_“Oh, hey Lindsay,” Dean said awkwardly, scratching his nose. His shirt was rumpled. Rumpled. It was rumpled in the way that shirts got when you’d been making out with someone._

_She glared at him. She’d never been so angry in her entire life. “How’s Rory?” she said softly._

_“Rory?” Dean’s face flushed. “I, um, I really don’t know.”_

_“Liar.” Lindsay choked back a sob._

_He tugged off his jacket. Something fell out of one of the pockets, fluttering down to the floor. Both Lindsay and Dean stared at the empty condom wrapper on the floor._

_She stood, looking up at him. “How long?” She gritted her teeth slightly._

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_“Don’t play stupid with me! How long have you been sleeping with her?”_

_“Lindsay.” Dean reached out to her but she moved away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_“I can’t believe this,” a few stray tears made their way down Lindsay’s cheeks. “I’m your wife, Dean, and while I’m at home thinking that you had to work late, you’re out there sleeping with that,” she choked slightly, “that slut.”_

_His hand shot out so fast that she didn’t even realize what was happening until she felt the sting on her cheek. Oh my god! He just hit me! She thought, covering her shocked mouth with her hands._

_Dean looked as shocked as she felt. “Lindsay, I’m so sorry-.” He reached for her again but she stepped away, grabbing her purse in her right hand._

_“Get the hell away from me.” With that Lindsay ran out the door, never looking behind her and without a thought as to where she was going to go. All she knew was that she wasn’t staying there._

Lindsay undressed quickly and stepped into the shower. The warm water felt good on her skin and she was thrilled to finally feel clean. Just spending one night in the motel made her uneasy. The whole room reeked of smoke and god knows what kind of germs were crawling around on the bed.

After using some shampoo that had the same consistency of dish soap and conditioner that failed to condition, Lindsay dried herself off with a large white towel. At least the towels were nice.

She looked at the pile of clothes on the floor. What was she going to wear? Being the typical blonde that she was, she’d failed to think about things like clothes when she stomped out of the house.

Grumbling, she pulled on her clothes from the previous day, and tip-toed back into the room. Jess was still sound asleep as she walked over to the window and peeked out of the shades. Aha! Bright Blue florescent lights proved to be her savior.

Wal-Mart.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Jess’ arm was twisted under him in an uncomfortable way and there was a crick in his neck. He glared at the bed. “Stupid hotel mattresses,” he muttered, shoving himself up to a sitting position.

There was an indent on the bed beside him, but otherwise no sign that Lindsay had been there. He sighed. He supposed hoping that she’d gone home would be asking too much.

Just then, he heard the door unlock and Lindsay slid in, large blue shopping bags in her hands. She grinned at him.

“Aren’t we much happier,” he grumbled.

Lindsay smiled some more. “Shopping is very therapeutic, especially when it’s done on Dean’s credit card.”

Jess’ mouth dropped open. The girl had more spunk than he thought.

“Hungry?” she asked, sitting down on the bed and fishing through one of the bags.

“Uh, sorta.”

She tossed him a Nutri-Grain bar and he stared at it for a moment. It was disgusting, but then again, it was on Dean, so why not? He opened it and took a bite.

Meanwhile, Lindsay pulled out a backpack and started shoving clothes in it, their tags still attached. Jess looked away when she started pulling out…girly things like underwear and other items he preferred to not think about.

Lindsay and her backpack disappeared into the bathroom, re-appearing in a new pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt just as Jess was dropping the rest of his Nutri-Grain bar in the trash. He looked up guiltily, although he wasn’t sure why.

“So.” Lindsay sat down on the bed beside him, resting her bag on the floor. “Where are we going?” she asked softly, staring at her hands.

Jess tried not to let his shock show. “You’re still coming?”

She nodded. “I can’t go- I can’t go back there. Not yet anyway.”

“Fair enough.” Jess stood up. “I hadn’t really decided yet where to go, but I was leaning towards going back to California.”

“Back?”

“My dad lives there.”

Lindsay nodded again. “Ah.”

Jess shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Check out time is in an hour,” he said finally, glancing over at the clock.

“Did you pay for the room last night?”

“Nah, I was gonna do it this morning.”

Lindsay grabbed her purse. “In that case, I think Dean’s going to treat us for this one.”

Jess smirked a little. He wasn’t going to fight her on that one.

::::::::::

A few hours later, they were on the road in Jess’ clunky car. Lindsay tried not to think about all the suspicious noises and smells coming from the engine. She might not be a mechanic, but she’d spent enough time with Dean to know that the car wasn’t doing well. She prayed that it would hold out for awhile longer, at least enough time for her to get further away.

Lindsay twisted her wedding ring nervously, sliding it up and down her finger, and around in circles. What was she doing? She’d just left her husband and taken off with the person Dean hated the most in the world.

Maybe that’s why she was doing it.

Jess hadn’t said a thing since they’d started driving. Instead, he’d turned on the radio and spent most of the ride flipping through stations, looking for one that was sufficiently loud and annoying for him.

The music was definitely getting on her nerves. There was no apparent melody, just loudness and chanting what was supposed to be lyrics, although she couldn’t understand them.

“You need a CD player,” she announced.

Jess snorted. “Sure, if you want to buy me one. Then again, I have to warn you, it’d cost more than the entire car.”

She sighed. So much for that idea. If she hadn’t been depressed before, she sure was now after listening to all the angry, depressing music Jess seemed to enjoy. She reached for the radio knob.

“Hey! What are you doing?” Jess yelped, swerving the car as he shoved her hand away. “Keep you hands off my radio.”

Lindsay glared at him. “No,” she said, and hit the knob, changing it to a Top 40 station.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Jess muttered as a Michelle Branch song came on. He hit the “power” button. “No more radio.”

“Fine.” Lindsay crossed her arms.

“Fine.” Neither one of them spoke a word until hours later when Lindsay’s stomach made a loud growling noise.

Jess cringed. He’d been starving for hours but wasn’t about to admit it. Now he felt bad. What were they fighting for, over the stupid radio station? This was stupid. They were adults. He put on his right signal and pulled off the next exit, coming to a stop in front of a popular fast food restaurant.

Lindsay’s eyes darted over at him. “Thanks,” she whispered.

“Whatever.” Jess put the car in park and climbed out, slamming the door behind him.


	3. Anything But That

Lindsay fell asleep in the car shortly afterwards, her head resting against the window. She’d crumpled up a sweatshirt of Jess’ to use as a pillow. It smelled like him, a mixture of detergent and the faint scent of cigarettes. As she stirred she found it strangely comforting to awaken to.

It was pitch black out. As the car sped past, she caught the words “Welcome to Springfield” on a road sign. Yawning, she looked over at Jess. “Where are we?”

“Illinois.”

Lindsay frowned. The furthest she’d ever been away was Virginia. The thought what am I doing flashed through her mind again. Then the image of Dean’s flushed face and wrinkled shirt flashed past her eyes and she had to bite her lip to make the pain go away.

She bit harder than she intended and could taste blood. Caring was beyond her now. The physical pain she could deal with, it was the emotional pain that was chipping away slowly at her.

“What was that?” She saw a flash out of the corner of her eye. Swallowing hard, she looked over at Jess, hoping that her panic hadn’t been blindingly apparent to him. She had a feeling he looked down on weaknesses.

“Lighting.” Of all the one word responses he could have given her, “lighting” was the worst he could have given. Anything, “terrorists”, “UFO’s”, anything but that. Not lightning. Lindsay pulled her knees up under her chin, closing her eyes, but she could still see it, feel it.

Jess heard a slight moan as the distinct sound of thunder rumbled through the car. What now, he thought bitterly. He was already regretting every mile he rode with her next to him. He glanced over at her and that’s when he realized that this was more than just a simple fear.

He pulled over to the side of the highway and turned to her. Lindsay’s face had gone completely white, whiter than he though a human being could look. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her face contorted.

Awkwardly, Jess reached out to touch her shoulder. “Lindsay?” 

She jumped slightly, then looked at him with frightened brown eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I,” she gulped, “I’ve always had this phobia of lightning. I know it’s stupid but,” she broke off with a sob.

Silently, Jess reached out and pulled her to him, letting her cry on his shirt once again. It was beginning to become a pattern. That was it, he promised himself. They’d stop for the night and before she woke up, he’d get out of there. He wasn’t going to be Lindsay’s tissue another day.

Once Lindsay started to cry, she couldn’t seem to stop. All the tears she had been holding in all day came flowing out. Jess held her for a moment and then turned the car back on.

“We’ll stop here,” he said, nodding towards a neon “Motel” sign in the distance. Lindsay nodded and pulled away, leaning back against the seat. 

 

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 

“You must think I’m crazy,” Lindsay whispered across the room. Jess had been asleep for an hour now, but she couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened in the car. She was falling apart. She was the Leaning Tower of Pisa after someone took a large sledgehammer to it. 

Never once in her life had Lindsay expected to be divorced before her twentieth birthday, but what else could she do? Taking Dean back wasn’t an option. In her book, that was the unforgivable sin. What small amounts of trust and happiness there had been left in their marriage was gone. 

Why had he married her? Why had he stood in front of all their friends and family, pledging to love her forever when he obviously didn’t care about her at all? 

Thunder crashed softly in the background, and she tried not to make any noise. She shivered, even though she wasn’t cold. It was a ridiculous fear, but one she’d never been able to shake since her childhood. Like a small child, it seemed as if something was out to get her when there was a storm. 

She was surprised Jess hadn’t tried to ditch her by now. According to the things she had heard in town, running was something he did well. He knew nothing about her, he had no reason to be helping her. Yet, he was letting this strange girl that he probably didn’t like very much follow him across the country.

Even when she blubbered all over him, he didn’t seem phased. That was strange. Jess had this whole “tough guy” thing going on, yet he didn’t flinch at her pain.

Dean got mad at her when she cried.

A bright light illuminated around the window’s shades, and a deep boom followed it soon after. Lindsay closed her eyes but she couldn’t help a small noise from escaping her lips.

Jess heard her whimper and saw her small shadow shudder on the other bed. She was terrified. The girl wasn’t afraid of him, despite all the things he knew she’d heard about him, but she was scared of a little thunderstorm. Ridiculous.

He expected to be annoyed at her fearfulness, but he wasn’t. Maybe because he was genuinely starting to care about what happened to her. Maybe because she was the first person he’d met in a long time who didn’t seem to be judging him. She didn’t care if he hadn’t graduated high school, or whether or not he was wasting his life. Her eyes didn’t hold disappointment whenever they looked at him.

Instead, she accepted him for what he was. A screw-up who was just as broken as she was.

He got up and walked to the other double bed, easing himself down beside her.

“What are you doing?”

Jess ignored her confused whisper as he slipped under the covers. Putting one arm around her waist, he spooned her to him. “You shouldn’t be alone if you’re scared,” he whispered back.

It wasn’t because he cared, he told himself. This was a necessity. The sooner she fell asleep the sooner he could creep out of the hotel room and get away from here, and her.

But as her breathing became slower and steadier Jess felt himself drifting off, and he didn’t fight it. Not because it felt good to hold someone. Not because he cared. Because he didn’t. He wanted to make sure she was okay, but he didn’t care about her. She was just a problem he had to take care of before he got home.

He supposed California was home, or the closest thing he had to home at the time. Sasha always made a point of telling him that he was always welcome back, so why not take advantage of the offer? Lily would be thrilled to have someone to bug again. She played the “little sister” part well.

As he began to fall asleep, Jess held onto Lindsay tighter. Most of all, this wasn’t because he was lonely. She might need him, but he didn’t need anyone.


	4. Trying Not To

“I don’t know why he married me in the first place. He never wanted me, he wanted her. I should have known better. I mean, look at me! I’m riding in a car with a guy I hardly know, going only god-knows-where. This is stupid.”

Jess gripped the steering wheel tightly, pretending that the cool plastic was Lindsay’s neck. She’d been chattering non-stop for three hours. Three hours! “Look,” he said sternly, trying not to raise his voice too much. “If you think this is so stupid, then you’re welcome to go home.”

Lindsay ignored him. “Are we going to stop soon? I really have to pee.”

“I told you not to drink that Big Gulp.”

“I was thirsty.”

“If I stopped this car every time you had to pee, it would take three weeks to get to Venice Beach. I’m trying to make time here.”

“And I’m trying not to make tinkles on your car seat!” She smiled triumphantly when Jess pulled into the rest station. “Thank you!” she said cheerfully, leaping from the car practically before it stopped moving.

Jess took a deep breath and tried not to think about leaving her. Leaving her here would be great. The rest of the ride would be so peaceful. Then again, he supposed if he were to leave her somewhere, he should probably leave her at a Wal-Mart like that guy did in that stupid movie Sasha made him watch. Then Lindsay could plant a tree, have a baby, and live through a tornado

Eventually Lindsay returned, a handful of pamphlets and flyers clutched in one hand. Jess grimaced as he spotted something bright and cheery pictured on one of them.

He hated tourism.

There was peacefulness in the car for a few minutes, until she tired of her pamphlets and focused her attentions in another direction. A direction that caused a low growl to begin in Jess’s throat.

“No,” Jess said firmly when Lindsay’s hand strayed too close to the radio dial.

She let out a giant sigh, but returned her small hand to her lap. “I hate all this death metal,” she grumbled.

Death Metal? Jess was sure that Incubus had never been classified as “death” anything. He wasn’t that fond of the group himself, but the only other two frequencies he could pick up were playing country and Ja Rule. Incubus was the lesser of the evils.

Jess motioned over his right shoulder. “There’s a CD player back there,” he told her. “If the batteries aren’t dead you can put in a CD.”

Lindsay looked like she was about to ream him out for not mentioning the CD player earlier, but she must have decided not to look the gift horse in the mouth. Next thing he knew, she was digging through a pile of clothes, some dirty, some clean, in his backseat. Then she looked through his binder of CD’s, making annoyed clucks of her tongue with the turn of every page.

A flash caught her eye and she dove into the backseat again, returning with a CD jewel case clutched in her hand like it was treasure. “A-ha!” she said with a grin, and flipped off the radio.

Moments later, Jess’ ears were assaulted by what sounded suspiciously like a boy band. He jerked the wheel, cutting off a minivan and parking in the breakdown lane. “What is that?” he demanded, snatching the case out of Lindsay’s hand.

It figured. Jess was officially never letting Lily and her little friends in his car again. Not if they left things like this evil “Avril Levigne” demon CD in it.

::::::::::

“Does the library have internet access?”

Jess heaved a large sigh. Suddenly Lindsay was all interested in the local library, and he couldn’t get it. The closest thing to a book she’d touched so far on this trip was an issue of In Style, so the whole library thing had been a puzzle until she mentioned the internet.

“What time does it close?”

“Not until ten on the weekends.” The woman at the counter looked just as tired and harried as Jess felt. Her face was brown and wrinkled like a raison, giving her the appearance of a walking poster for skin cancer. The large mole on the side of her neck didn’t help either.

Lindsay’s face brightened. “Great!” she said, turning to Jess. “Can we go down to the library after we put our bags in the room?”

“Why do I have to come?” Jess heaved both their duffel bags over one shoulder and started walking in the direction of room 204. He’d originally been planning on simply sleeping in the car on his way, but somehow he had a feeling that Lindsay wouldn’t like that. 

Why do you care? He wondered. Two weeks ago he never would have adjusted his plans for anyone, let alone this little blonde princess. Now he was shelling out precious money to sleep in a room that smelled like Doritos and weed.

Lindsay shrugged. “You don’t have to come, I guess. I just thought you might want to. I mean, you like books, right?”

Jess grunted.

“So, come with me. It’ll be fun.”

Jess snorted.

“Okay, I’ll be quick. C’mon, don’t make me go by myself.”

“Fine.”

Jess found himself browsing a few shelves of discarded library books while Lindsay surfed the ‘net. He would have been more annoyed at how long she was taking if there hadn’t been a few interesting looking books. He was just starting to get antsy when Lindsay bounded up next to him, a stack of papers clutched in her hands.

“What’s all that?”

Lindsay looked down at the pile. “Divorce papers,” she said calmly.

“Huh?”

“If Dean doesn’t contest the divorce, he can just sign these papers and it will be all over with. If he does contest, well, I printed out some resources to help me figure out my next step.”

Jess stared at her in amazement. “You can get divorced over the internet,” he stated.

“Apparently.”

“Are you sure?”

Lindsay gaped at him. “Sure? My husband was sleeping with another woman. Of course I’m sure, Jess. If I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Huh.”

“I don’t get you. “ Frowning, she went up to the front desk to pay for her printouts.


	5. Phone Calls and Confusions

When Jess pulled off his leather jacket at the next night’s hotel, his cell phone fell out of the pocket. Oh crap, he thought. He’d kinda forgotten about the thing. It hadn’t been on in days. He’d finally given people a number that would stick, and he didn’t even remember to answer it.

After a minor fight with his voice mail, in which he jabbed at random keys, trying to remember what his password was, he listened to the droning voice announce that he had four new messages.

“Hey, baby it’s your Mom. TJ and I are having a ball on our honeymoon, but I miss you. You’ll come visit soon, right? And call me back. I feel like we never talk anymore.”

“That’s because we don’t,” Jess muttered.

“I still hate Hemmingway.” That was Lily. He’d suggested that she broaden her reading horizons and sent her a couple books. Apparently she read them.

“Jeez, Jess. I hate leaving messages on these things.” Luke’s gruff voice echoed into his ear. “Some stuff’s happened since you left. I uh, gotta ask you something. Call me back.”

“Jess? Um, this is Rory.” Jess felt his heart skip a beat. “I, um, I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I mean, for yelling at you the other night. You just kinda freaked me out. Really freaked me out. I didn’t know how to react. Anyway, I still don’t think we could, or should be together, but I don’t want you to hate me.”

Jess didn’t bother to listen to the rest of the message, instead pitching the phone across the room. Lindsay jumped as the phone bounced off the wall beside her. 

She blinked several times at him and gulped. Unable to not be somewhat afraid of his outburst, she tried not to let her apprehension show. “Are you okay?” she asked softly.

“I hate her!” Jess exclaimed, flexing his hands into fists and then straightening out his fingers repeatedly.

Lindsay watched his face contort. She’d never seen such raw emotion on someone’s face before. The expressions that his eyes were making, his jaw, the way his mouth was set, it gave her a infinite sensation of emptiness in her stomach. 

Those three words were the last things she heard out of his mouth for most of that night. He pulled a worn paperback out of his duffel bag and curled his body in a ball on the bed, facing the wall. Occasionally the rustle of turning pages was heard, but the sound was infrequent enough to indicate that he wasn’t really reading.

Lindsay watched a sappy movie on the Lifetime Channel about a woman who found out her husband have three other “wives” stowed across the country. It hurt to watch. 

She didn’t really care.

Jess stood up later on and picked up the offending cell phone. Despite it’s brief stint as a dart, it still worked. He dialed the familiar number.

“Luke’s.” A gruff voice stated.

Jess cleared his throat. “Hey, I uh, got your message.”

“Jess?”

“Yeah.”

“I really hate to have to ask you this, but, people have been talking.”

He sighed. “About?”

“Dean’s wife left him.”

“Good for her.” Jess avoided the curious glances Lindsay was shooting him from the other bed. One prying person at a time, he thought.

“Babette claims she saw Lindsay get in your car Saturday night.”

Jess froze. He’d really been hoping that no one saw him helping Lindsay into his car that night. Should have known better. In a town like Stars Hollow, nothing is overlooked. Not with Patty and Babette around anyway,

“Jess?”

“Yeah. I’m still here.”

“Jess, her family’s really worried about her. No one’s seen her since she ran out of her and Dean’s apartment on Saturday. If you know where she went….”

He looked over at Lindsay. Her eyes had widened a little, almost as if she knew what they were talking about. 

“Dean’s really upset….her mother’s frantic. She thinks something happened to her.”

“She’s fine.”

“What?!”

Jess adjusted the phone. “She’s fine.”

“Where is she?”

“Here.”

“Where the hell is ‘here’?!”

“With me,” Jess answered with a sigh. “She’s with me.”

::::::::::

“What did he say?” Lindsay asked softly, several minutes later as Jess hung up the phone.

“That your parents are worried about you. You didn’t call them?”

She shook her head. “I d-didn’t want them to know.”

“Okay. I told Luke he should tell them you’re all right, but I didn’t tell him where we were, or where we’re going.”

“Thank you,” she whispered. 

Jess shrugged. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Yeah, you did.”

The admiration that was shining out of her eyes made him uncomfortable. One nice deed and she was ready to make him a saint. She’d figure out soon enough just how far from the truth it was.

“I’m going to bed,” Jess said curtly, turning onto his side and flicking off the light beside his bed.

Lindsay stared at him for a moment. She had a feeling that she’d never know what was going through his head. He’d helped her escape. Thanks to him she had time to sort out her feelings about everything that had happened, without anyone pressuring her.

She wouldn’t have gotten that at home. Her parents loved Dean. They wouldn’t understand how unhappy she’d been, how bad things had gotten. He hadn’t just made a mistake.

He’d chosen.

::::::::::

It was two nights later when Lindsay woke to a warm body slipping under the covers and cuddling up beside her. She tensed slightly, confused, but just then she heard a low rumble of thunder in the distance. Relaxing, she leaned her body slightly into his, refusing to admit to herself just how right it felt.


	6. Crashing With Me

Jess parked on the side of the road and stepped out of the car. He walked around to the other side and opened up the passenger door. “We’re here,” he said, poking Lindsay. She groaned a little, but opened her eyes and smiled when she saw the bright sun.

“Do they bite?” she asked nervously, as Jess stepped through the gate and a troupe of dogs came running. She could barely see the house through all the trees and flowers, but what she could see looked beautiful.

He made a general gesture to the pack. “Just those two.” He walked down the path leaving Lindsay behind murmuring to herself, “which two?” She hesitated for a moment, then followed him. 

Jess walked up the two stairs to the door and opened it without knocking. Lindsay trailed behind as he stepped into the hallway and opened up a closet door, revealing a small brunette curled up with a book and a flashlight.

The little girl glanced over. “You came back.” She stated this with little emotion, yet an element of surprise slipping through her nonsensical expression.

“I told you I was coming back.” Jess pulled a book out of his back pocket and handed it to her. “I picked this up in Kansas.”

“Cool.” She took the paperback and ran her hands over it, savoring the feel of the soft cover. 

“Jimmy or Sasha home?”

“Mom’s out but Jimmy’s in the kitchen.”

Jess nodded and closed the door. “Coming?” He cocked an eyebrow toward Lindsay who nodded slightly, once again trailing after him as he threaded his way through the house.

“Jimmy?” Jess knocked on the kitchen door and pushed it open a few inches, until he hit something solid with a resound thud. There was a string of curses, followed by clashing of pans, glass breaking and a yelp of pain.

Jimmy opened the door momentarily, a strand of spaghetti dangling from his hair and splashes of tomato sauce all over his white t-shirt. “Jess!” He said, surprised, smiling and nodding slightly. “Nice to have you back.”

Jess grunted some sort of reply. Then Jimmy glanced over his shoulder at the petite blonde standing behind him. “Who’s your friend?”

“I’m Lindsay.” She stuck out her hand for Jimmy to shake. He was about to when he realized that there was flour all of his hands, and then proceeded to just smile at her in apology. She smiled back at him and Jess shifted his feet.

“Lindsay’s crashing here with me.”

Jimmy raised an eyebrow. “Oh, she is, is she?”

“Yeah.”

Lindsay looked nervous as Jimmy sized her up. He then shrugged and backed into the kitchen again.

::::::::::

“Jimmy? Cutie Pie? I’m home!” Sasha called. “Did you finish making dinner?” She lifted the tablecloth to see if Lily was back from her friend’s house yet. Apparently not.

She walked into the living room, humming under her breath, when she came to a dead stop and stared in shock at the petite blonde curled up on her couch, reading one of her trashy romances. 

The girl, or woman (she could have passed for anywhere from sixteen to twenty-six in age) looked up and smiled. “Hi,” she said cheerfully.

“Um, hi.” Sasha frowned. “Do I know you?” she asked finally.

The girl shook her head. “I’m Lindsay. I came here with Jess.”

“Jess’s here?”

Lindsay nodded.

“Well, okay then.” Sasha pasted on a “happy” face. “You know where Jimmy is?”

“Yeah.” Lindsay nodded again. “He mangled the spaghetti so he and Jess went for some pizza.”

Sasha smiled. She’d known she could count on having pizza tonight. “Do you know where Lily is?

“Corner kitchen cupboard, I believe.”

Sasha nodded and hurried into the kitchen, where she flung open the cupboard door and crouched down in front of it. “Lily, who’s the girl?”

Lily lowered her book and shrugged. “Jess just showed up with her earlier. He didn’t say who she was, he just said she was staying with him.”

“Here?”

“Apparently.”

“Hmm.” Sasha frowned. This was strange, very strange. 

::::::::::

“So, you gonna explain?” Jimmy leaned back against the counter after placing the pizza order.

“Explain what?” 

“Don’t play stupid with me. Actually, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and remind you of a certain blonde sitting in my living room…”

Jess shrugged. “She followed me home?”

“Cute. Try again.”

“Remember Rory?”

“The girl you spent the whole summer moping about? Yeah, I remember.”

“Lindsay is Dean’s wife.”

Jimmy was silent. He’d finally gotten some of the story out of Jess the previous summer, so he knew who Dean was. What he didn’t know was why Jess was back here, and why he’d brought Dean’s wife with him.

“Dean cheated on her.” Jess didn’t feel like elaborating. “She was hysterical and she didn’t want to go home, so I brought her with me.”

“Okay.” Jimmy nodded, more to himself than Jess. “How long were you planning on staying?”

“Um,” Jess raised his eyebrows, “I don’t know. A couple weeks I guess, or until you get sick of us. I was planning on getting a job and maybe finding an apartment around here.”

Jimmy eyed him. Jess wanted to stay? That was strange, very strange. 

“And Lindsay?”

Jess lowered his eyes. “I’m not sure,” he said finally. “I’m really not sure.”


	7. The Calm Before the Storm

Look, Jess! Look!”

Lily bounded into the living room, tugging Lindsay’s hand. Lindsay stumbled in behind her, a grin on her face and her eyes full of laughter.

She belonged there.

The thought threw Jess for a loop. She didn’t belong there, she belonged back in Connecticut, with her parents or another khaki-wearing guy. Not in a house full of ceramic clowns with brightly painted walls. 

Lily pointed. “Lindsay got her hair cut.”

“So she did.” Jess put on a good show of nonchalance, but he actually thought Lindsay looked good. It wasn’t a big change, just a little shorter, but it made her look really beautiful. 

He didn’t just think that.

They’d only been in Venice Beach for a couple weeks, and Lindsay fit right in with everyone. Sasha liked her, Lily adored her, and Jimmy simply raised his eyebrows whenever she and Jess were in a room together. 

Everyone was just the same as Jess remembered them. Sasha still had an unnerving love for practical jokes. Just the day before she’d flushed the toilet while Jess was in the shower. After being assaulted by a stream of icy cold water, he’d thrown a towel around his waist and run into the living room to yell at whoever had done it. Lindsay was sitting next to Sasha, giggling uncontrollably. He’d opened his mouth to say something, but then felt a sudden breeze and realized that Lily had snatched his towel.

Lindsay’s eyes had nearly bugged out of her head. He would have killed Lily, but he had no doubt she’d learned all her tricks from her mother. Instead he simply grabbed his towel from the floor, placed it over the areas he most wanted to be covered, and backed into the bathroom.

“Lindsay, there’s a package for you,” Jimmy called from the kitchen, bringing Jess back to the current situation.

She skidded in seconds after and opened the manila envelope. Pulling out a stack of papers, she skimmed through the cover letter that accompanied them.

Jess walked up behind her. “What is it?” he asked.

“Divorce papers.” Lindsay looked up at him with wide eyes and let out an excited squeal. “I’m divorced!”

“Really?”

Lindsay nodded, grinning. “Dean signed the papers. We’re officially divorced.”

Jess tried not to look too happy. He knew she was relieved, especially after what had happened, but there was no reason to leap for joy just because she was rid of the scuz. Things were never as simple as that. It would still take some time for her to recover from the betrayal and hurt Dean had caused her.

“Let’s celebrate!”

Okay, so maybe he was wrong. Lindsay was in full “celebration mode”. He supposed she could grieve for her lost marriage later. 

::::::::::

“I love Venice Beach!” Lindsay did an excited little twirl on the boardwalk. 

Jess watched, amused, but trying not to show that he was with an obvious tourist such as Lindsay. She’d already done most of the things residents would be horrified by, starting with buying a big straw hat and neon pink flip flops. 

Now she wanted to go to Pacific Park. Never mind that she and Lily had already been there twice in the past week, she wanted to go. Insisted on going. Begged to go.

Jess gave up and just trailed behind her.

He did, however, refuse to go ride the bumper cars with her. That resulted in a more humiliating alternative, when she left her pink purse in his grasp and ran off. 

He felt so manly. “What next?” he asked, after she had returned from the ride and taken the offending bag back.

“Roller coaster!” she squealed, grabbing his hand and yanking him towards the nearest stomach heaving ride.

A dozen twisty rides later, Jess was in serious danger of reacquainting himself with the breakfast burrito he had inhaled that morning on his way out of the house and the corndog he’d had an hour before.

“Ooooh! Look!” Lindsay pointed towards another ride. 

Jess glanced at it long enough to realize that his stomach was in no way prepared to handle another one of those rides. Then he grabbed her hand and pulled her in the opposite direction. 

“How about the Ferris Wheel?” he suggested. The Ferris Wheel was safe. Nice and slow. Niiiiice and sloooooooow. Slow was good. Jess liked slow.

Lindsay agreed and climbed into one of the brightly painted cars with him. He still ended up holding her purse, but at least this time they were so far up, no one could notice. 

“This has been so much fun.” Lindsay turned towards Jess and smiled. “Thank you so much for coming with me.”

Jess grunted. “I didn’t have a choice,” he muttered under his breath.

Lindsay simply continued smiling. He had a choice. Just like he’d had a choice back in Stars Hollow. She knew he liked to act all tough, but she’d seen him fooling around with Lily when he thought no one was looking. Deep down inside, Jess was a big old softie. He’d never let you see it, but he was. 

Jimmy had told her about as much a few nights after she and Jess arrived. “I know he acts all gruff,” he’d said seriously, “but the fact that he brought you with him alone shows that he cares.”

That one sentence had given her this warm feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

“Rory really did a number on him,” Jimmy continued. “I don’t know what she did to him, but he’s different. Just…don’t…don’t hurt my kid, okay?”

Lindsay had nodded solemnly at him. She’d understood so much about Jimmy in that brief moment. Understood just how much he cared about Jess. They were a lot alike, Jimmy and Jess. Jimmy didn’t really know how to show he cared either.

“It’s so beautiful,” Lindsay breathed, staring at the sky.

Jess nodded slightly. He had to admit, seeing a sunset from up on that Ferris Wheel was something else. It was extra special for Lindsay, because the sunsets in California were so different from back east.

Take that night for instance. A normal sunset in Connecticut would involve numerous colors, all swirling around. It would be beautiful, but incomparable to the sky they were seeing at Venice Beach.

Purple. The whole sky was bright purple. It shone pink around where the sun still was, but the sky essentially was purple.

“Thank you.”

Jess turned and looked at Lindsay. “For what now?”

“For taking me here. Here to California, I mean.” Lindsay smiled, leaning over to kiss him lightly on the cheek. “Thank you.”

That too, was beautiful. 

But it was only the calm before the storm.


	8. There was a Pauseb

_She was so tired. Her legs hardly felt strong enough to hold her up, yet she was still walking. Sounds of people laughing and loud music had faded into a dull hum. Where was she again? She couldn’t remember anymore. Everything looked strange. Swallowing hard against the nausea that was quickly overcoming her, she made her way to a slanted doorway and stumbled in. She was just so tired; all she wanted to do was sleep..._

_And then everything went black._

**Eight Hours Earlier**

“I changed my mind. I don’t wanna go.” Lily crossed her arms across her chest.

Lindsay sighed and sat down next to her. “Lily, you’ll be fine.”

“They don’t like me!” Lily exclaimed.

“Tosh.”

“Tosh? What kind of crazy word is that?”

“Now you sound like your brother.” Lindsay smiled at her.

“He’s not my brother,” Lily mumbled, but she seemed to get the point.

“Details.” Lindsay stood up. “Here’s the deal, you’re going to the sleepover and you are staying for a total of two hours. If you aren’t having fun by then, call Jess on his cell, he’ll go pick you up.”

“Excuse me?” Jess asked, walking into the room. “I couldn’t have possibly heard that last sentence right.”

Lindsay ignored him. “Okay, Lil?”

“Fine.” Lily nodded, but she still looked apprehensive.

“I did not say I was going to do that.”

Lily smiled at her. “Thanks, Lindsay.” A quick hug and she disappeared.

“I am not Lily’s chauffer.”

“Of course you aren’t.” Lindsay patted his head. “I’m starving. Come with me to get some pizza?”

“Will saying no make any sort of difference?”

“Probably not.”

“Sure, why not.”

:::::

The pizza shop was crowded, full of tourists and teenage locals. Jess leaned against a booth while Lindsay ordered their pizzas, ignoring annoyed looks from the booth’s inhabitants.

“Well if it isn’t Jess freakin’ Mariano.”

Jess cringed. He knew that voice. He really didn’t like that voice.

That voice was trouble.

“Hey, Astrid.”

He’d dated Astrid briefly during his last visit, in an all-thoughts-tossed-aside attempt to eradicate Rory from his system. It had failed, and he was left with the party girl of Venice Beach. They’d broken up after only a couple weeks, but it had been plenty long enough for Jess.

“So, my cousin and his friends are coming in from LA and we’re having a party for them tonight. You should come.”

Jess had just opened his mouth to say something to the effect of “hell no” when he heard Lindsay walk up behind him.

“That sounds like fun.”

He seriously wanted to kill her, to wrap his hands around her scrawny little neck and strangle her. It was enough she’d tricked him into paying for the pizza, now she wanted to hang out with his ex-girlfriend? This was not cool.

Astrid looked annoyed. “Great,” she said sarcastically. “I’ll see you two at seven then.”

As she walked off, Jess let out a groan and punched Lindsay in the arm. “Thanks a lot.”

“What did I do?” Lindsay was the picture of utter innocence.

“I don’t want to go to that stupid party!”

Lindsay beamed. “Yes, but you obviously hate Astrid, and I figured the two of us coming would piss her off. Am I wrong?”

Well, no, but Jess wasn’t about to admit that. “You owe me big, Lister.”

“Whatever.” Lindsay grinned. She loved having the last name Lister again. She’d been so confused when she’d gotten here, unsure of what to do or how to act. Somehow she’d expected being divorced to feel different. She wasn’t sure how, but that’s what she’d thought would happen.

:::::

Jess couldn’t believe she’d talked him into this.

Lately, he found himself doing all sorts of things he hadn’t planned on. This party was just one of them. He told himself he was just trying to be nice, that he felt sorry for her. That was the only reason he was being kind to her.

Jess shoved both hands into his jeans pockets, wishing that Lindsay hadn’t confiscated his book on their way out the door. He had a feeling he wasn’t going to enjoy this. Astrid’s crowd had always gotten on his nerves, and he could already hear loud music coming from the brightly lit yard they were walking towards.

“Ooh! Dancing!”

“No.” He had to draw the line somewhere, and getting shoved in the crowd of drunken people dancing in the grass in front of the speakers was his. There would be absolutely no dancing.

Lindsay rolled her eyes. “Whatever.” She ran over to the group and infiltrated herself easily, swaying to the badly written hip hop song that was playing.

She could dance pretty well, he noticed. Rory had all the grace of a hippo in stilettos.

But he wasn’t thinking about Rory.

Jess wandered over to the sidelines, staring longingly at the bowl of bright red punch, knowing it probably had a dozen different kinds of liquor in it. Honestly, he wanted nothing more than to get smashing drunk, but Lindsay was not driving his car home.

An hour later, he’d relented and was about to take the first sip of his small cup of punch when his cell phone rang. Cursing, he set down the plastic cup and pulled out the phone. “What?” he snapped.

There was a pause. “J-jess?”

“Lily?” Jess forgot about his punch. “Are you okay?”

A sniffle. “I d-don’t want to b-be here anymore.” Another sniffle. “The girls are being mean to me and I j-just wanna go home.”

“All right.” Jess sighed, looking over to where Lindsay was laughing and dancing still. She wouldn’t be thrilled about leaving. He, however, was thankful for the excuse. “I’ll be there in a half hour. Can you hang on that long?”

“Yeah. Thank you, Jess,” she whispered.

Jess hung up the phone and shoved it into his pocket. Abandoning his punch, he strode over to where Lindsay was ‘getting her groove on’ with some guy. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her away from the music. “We have to go.”

“What?” Her face fell and she had the appearance of a toddler who isn’t getting dessert that night.

“Lily called. She wants to go home.”

“Oh.” Lindsay frowned. “She wasn’t having a good time?”

“Didn’t sound like it.”

Lindsay began walking with him towards the car and then paused. “Hey! Can I just stay?”

“What?”

“Stay. Me. Here. You can come back and get me after you drop Lily off. There isn’t enough room in your car for more than one passenger anyway.”

Jess made a face. “That’s only because Jimmy made me retrieve some sort of pickle shipment today.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“That I didn’t.” Jess sighed. “I don’t really know these people that well…”

Lindsay took that as a yes. “See you in an hour!” she called over her shoulder.


	9. Aftermath

It was almost three hours later when Jess finally made it back to Astrid’s house. Lily had been crying when he arrived, and hadn’t stopped the entire ride. Arriving back at the house, Lily had insisted he turn on all the lights in the house before she would go inside, and even then it was hard to get her to stay alone while he picked up Lindsay.

Traffic was horrendous on the way there. Apparently every male person in California was heading somewhere on Astrid’s street, so it took him forever to get there.

Where the hell is everyone? Jess wondered, looking around the deserted yard. He kicked a beer can over the deserted lawn. There was trash everyone, but no sign of life whatsoever. 

A noise made Jess turn his head towards the back porch, where he found a very drunk Astrid semi-passed out in a lawn chair.

He gave her a shove. “Where’s Lindsay?”

“Huh?” Astrid groaned and shifted her body slightly. “The blonde chick? I don’t know. Check inside maybe.”

She had already fallen back asleep, so Jess opened the back door and walked into the house. A single light on by the couch revealed two guys and a girl all passed out on the living room floor. Jess shook his head. This was ridiculous. He couldn’t believe he used to hang out with these half-wits.

Jess stepped over one of the guys and walked down the hallway, opening random doors. Maybe Lindsay was hanging out in one of the bedrooms while she waited for him.

The third door only opened an inch before hitting something solid. Jess pushed harder, sliding the door open just far enough to slip inside and flip the light switch.

“Oh my god.” He had to close his eyes.

Jess knelt down by the crumpled figure. “Lindsay?” He gently pushed her onto her back so he could see how badly she was hurt. One eye was blackened and swollen shut, and there were large purple bruises all over her arms. 

“Lindsay, wake up.” Trying not to get frantic, Jess adjusted her ripped shirt. Then he noticed that her jeans were undone.

And then he got frantic.

Later, Jess wouldn’t remember what he told the 911 operator. All he remembered was waiting for what seemed like forever for an ambulance to arrive and the even longer ride to the hospital. Lindsay was rushed into an examining room, leaving Jess in the waiting room to pace.

“Jess Mariano?” A doctor in the usual long white jacket approached him. 

Jess leapt to his feet. “Is she okay?”

“None of her injuries were life-threatening.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Jess was shouting now. He didn’t care who heard him, or what anyone thought. He just needed to know if Lindsay was okay.

“We found traces of the drug Rohypnol in your friend’s system. This drug is most commonly used as a ‘date-rape’ drug.” The doctor paused to allow Jess to take all this information in.

Jess paled. “Was she?” He trailed off. He couldn’t say the word.

“It appears so.”

Jess let a wave of nausea come over him. 

:::::

“I shouldn’t have left,” Jess whispered repeatedly, staring at Lindsay’s unmoving body in that hospital bed. This was all his fault. If he’d been there, that guy wouldn’t have tried anything. He was supposed to protect her, and look what had happened. 

He could have stopped it from happening. He could have stopped that jerk from doing that to her. It never would have happened if he hadn’t left. He should have made Lily wait for Jimmy or Sasha to come home, should have insisted on Lindsay coming with him.

This shouldn’t have happened to her. Not now.

A nurse had just left after asking him to notify them when she awoke, when Lindsay began to stir. “Where am I?” she whispered, struggling to open her eyes.

“At the hospital.” Jess hurried over to her side, pushing the call button beside her bed. “Do you feel okay?”

“What happened?”

Jess gulped. He was so very unsure of what he should say to her. “Do you remember anything that happened at the party?”

She squinted. “I remember you going to pick up Lily. Then I started getting tired. I was looking for somewhere to lay down…” She trailed off.

“That’s because someone put something into your drink.” Jess blinked rapidly against the tears that were threatening to come. Guys didn’t cry, not even when things like this happened. 

Lindsay closed her eyes, trying desperately to string together the brief flashes of memory she had after that. She’d swayed, and someone steadied her. Then there were hands on her arms and hot breath on her face. And there the flashes ended.

“What did he do to me?”

“I’m sorry,” Jess whispered. 

Lindsay nodded. “Just tell me.”

“The doctor should be here in a minute.” Jess glanced nervously over his shoulder. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t tell her, couldn’t watch her expression when she found out. He wasn’t cut out for this kind of thing.

He clearly wasn’t going to answer her. “What got put into my drink?”

“It’s called Rohypnol.” 

Lindsay paused, trying to remember where she’d heard of that drug before. It was on a tv show, one of her favorites. The girl’s boyfriend put one in her drink and then…

Lindsay threw up.

:::::

“Your friend is going to have to leave now,” the nurse said gently. “The doctor will be here to examine you in a minute.”

“No!” Lindsay gripped Jess’ hand so hard that he lost feeling in a few fingers. “I don’t want him to go. Please stay?” she pleaded, staring up at Jess.

Jess looked down at her, pale and shaking on the hospital bed. He couldn’t say no to her. Not when this was all his fault for not being there.

So he stayed.


	10. Coping Mechanisms

Lindsay felt like she’d been hit by a truck. Her entire body ached and her head throbbed from the sleeping pill the doctor had insisted she take last night. Part of her wanted to sleep forever, and the other part of her never wanted to be vulnerable in that way again.

It was hard to know what to do.

“Morning, sleepyhead.”

Lindsay looked up to find Sasha sitting on a chair beside the bed, knitting brightly colored squares. Her hair was tied back in the usual silky scarf, and she smiled warmly.

“W-where…” Lindsay began. “Jess?”

“At home.” Sasha set aside her knitting needles and the ball of yarn on her lap. “Honestly, I’m surprised he stayed as long as he did. He and Jimmy both have this thing about hospitals. Something about the smell and the noises… I’m pretty sure it’s all just an old-fashioned phobia.”

Lindsay nodded before speaking softly. “If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have asked him to stay.” She was suddenly embarrassed at her clinginess. She’d gripped onto him like a scared kitten, and he’d come with her. Stayed with her. Held her hand through the whole awful ‘rape kit’ examination.

“Eh, it’s good for him.” Sasha smiled. “I talked to your doctor earlier, he said you can probably go home later today. That’s good news, right?”

A slight nod. 

Moments later, Lindsay was asleep again. Sasha picked up her knitting and sighed. 

:::::

Jess was exactly where he’d expected to find him. Sitting in the short hallway ‘nook’ between the living room and Lily’s room. Empty beer cans were sprawled around his feet, and a half empty can was in one hand. 

“Glad you’re enjoying my beer.”

Jess said nothing, only took another swig and stared off into a random corner. 

“Sasha’s at the hospital?”

A terse nod.

Jimmy sighed. It was pointless to say anything else. Jess was already drunk. 

He grabbed a beer. Jess might as well not do it alone.

:::::

Sasha checked her watch. No doubt Jimmy and Jess were both plastered out of their minds by now. Hopefully by the time Lindsay was released they would have either sobered up or moved the drunken party to a bar or something.

The doctor came in as Sasha was finishing up a ‘Granny Square’ for the blanket she was making. 

“Good morning, Lindsay. How are you feeling today?” The doctor picked up the clipboard hanging on the end of the bed and flipped through to the page he wanted.

Lindsay glanced up from the nail she was currently biting to pieces. The doctor wasn’t looking at her, so she decided not to answer. 

The doctor looked up. “Miss Forrester?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you like to hear the results of your tests, or can I tell your friend here?” He nodded towards Sasha.

Lindsay chewed off another portion of her nail and pulled it off her tongue with her other hand. “Tell her.” She pointed at Sasha and returned to her nails.

The doctor sighed and turned to Sasha. “We ran the usual test on Miss Forrester’s samples, and we’re pleased to say she tested negative not only on the various STD tests, but on a pregnancy test as well. Apart from the bruises and of course the emotional effects, she’s in perfect health.”

“That’s good to hear.” Sasha smiled at the doctor. “I can take her home then?”

“I’ll have the release papers signed within the hour.”

As the doctor left, Lindsay rolled onto her side, facing away from Sasha. “I can’t go home anymore,” she whispered softly.

Sasha heard her, but decided against saying anything. Lindsay was dealing with a lot right now. It was better to let her see by their actions where her home really was. 

:::::

Two hours later, Sasha pulled her car up to the house. Lindsay hadn’t said a word to her since they left the hospital. Sasha had conducted a one-sided conversation in the car, but Lindsay didn’t do anything other than stare blankly out of the window.

To Sasha’s dismay, she heard loud singing coming from inside as they approached the front door.

“Sixty-six bottles of beer on the wall…”

“They’re cans, not bottles!”

“Sixty-seven bottles of…”

“You’re counting the wrong way!”

Lindsay didn’t seem to notice. Sasha mentally counted to ten and walked into the living room where Jimmy and Jess were sprawled on the floor amidst beer cans and one ketchup bottle. “We’re home,” Sasha snapped, stomping on the floor beside Jimmy’s head.

Jimmy groaned. “Are we having an earthquake?”

“Earth cake?” Jess asked weakly from where he was lying.

Lindsay took a step back, folding her arms around her stomach. That wasn’t Jess.

Jess stumbled to his feet, staggering towards where Lindsay had stationed herself, in the doorway. “Lindsay!” he slurred, grinning widely. “Wanna beer?”

A glance towards Sasha, then Lindsay carefully stepped back again. 

“Lindsay?” Jess looked confused, swaying from side to side.

Her lower lip began to tremble.

Jess took a wobbly step towards her.

Lindsay screamed.

While Jimmy was busy holding his hands to his ears, Sasha carefully led Lindsay into her bedroom, where she calmed her down and tucked her into bed. Lindsay fell asleep momentarily, and Sasha walked back into the living room.

Jimmy was snoring on the couch, while Jess sipped a cup of coffee. He looked up at Sasha as she stood in front of him.

“I screwed up again, didn’t I?” he whispered.

Sasha nodded.


	11. Washing and Wondering

“What’s wrong with her?” Jess stood behind Lily and listened to the retching noises from the hall bathroom. 

Lily rested her chin on top of her hands. “Jimmy talked her into eating lunch.”

“Did he cook?”

“It was just a sandwich.” Lily shook her head. “She didn’t even eat the whole thing, just a couple bites.”

Jess frowned. That couldn’t be a good sign. Lindsay had hardly eaten at all for the past two weeks, and now that she had eaten something substantial, she was throwing it up. Sasha kept saying she was going to ‘waste away in front of them’, and Jess had to agree.

The therapist at the hospital had warned them that an extreme change in appetite was normal, but Jess still worried. She was already skin and bones, the girl couldn’t afford to lose any more weight. She was so small and fragile these days, sometimes she was more like a child than Lily was.

Jess hated that.

He hated seeing her like this. Gone was the bouncy creature that had dragged him to Pacific Park. In her place was a frail girl who slept fourteen hours a day.

It was terrifying to watch.

Jess heard the shower turn on and sighed. She also showered at least twice a day. It was as if she was trying to wash away all the bad memories. 

If that were possible he’d never get out of the shower.

$$$$$

The only time Lindsay allowed herself to cry was in the shower. There, she could pretend her tears were just the water spraying on her body, pretend she wasn’t that sad. She wasn’t.

She wasn’t.

The doctors said it wasn’t unusual to not remember the attack. She didn’t. Instead she simply remembered the feel of his hands on her arms, on her thighs. Every time she closed her eyes she could feel them.

The sensation left her feeling soiled and unclean. She couldn’t get clean enough. She scraped at her arms with soap and her fingernails until she noticed her arms turning pink. 

She still wasn’t clean, she still hadn’t washed the feeling of his hands off of her body. Nothing seemed to work. No matter how long she showered, she still felt dirty. 

Lindsay looked down and spotted a brillo pad in the corner of the shower. Sasha must have used it to clean the bathroom yesterday. On an impulse, she grabbed it and scrubbed her thighs. The top layer of skin came off, but she felt better afterwards.

For awhile she actually felt clean. 

$$$$$

Jess was sitting on the couch, watching a late night talk show when Sasha got home. He looked up as she walked into the room.

“Where’s Lindsay?”

“Asleep.” He sighed. She’d gone to bed at eight. “All she ate at dinner was a green bean.”

Sasha nodded. “Nothing else?”

“I asked her if she wanted a piece of bread and she burst into tears.”

“That’s good.”

“Good!” Jess exploded, leaping to his feet. “She sobbed hysterically for an hour over a piece of bread and you think that’s a good thing?!” He stared at her incredulously.

Sasha sat down on the couch and patted the cushion beside her. Jess reluctantly sat down next to her.

“When I was in college, I met a guy named Andy,” she began, taking a deep breath before she continued. “He was… amazing. Incredibly handsome, hysterically funny, everyone loved him and he liked me. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. 

“One night, he was visiting me at my dorm when my roommate got a phone call from her boss. He needed her to come into work immediately. Her car wasn’t working right, so Andy offered to drive her.”

She paused, and Jess remained silent, unsure of where she was going with this story.

“An hour later, her boss called wanting to know why she didn’t show up. I got frantic, called her parents, and her mother told me that she’d been raped the night before.

“I wasn’t stupid, I knew who it must have been. I was devastated. Not only had I just lost my boyfriend, but now I was losing my roommate and closest friend. I figured I would never see her again, but a week later, she returned to the dorm and went back to her classes.

“I thought for sure she’d never want to speak to me again, because Andy had been my friend, my boyfriend, and I’d let him in. But she wasn’t. Instead she clung to me during the first few months after her attack.”

Jess swallowed. His guilt over what had happened at Astrid’s party couldn’t be any worse than what Sasha had gone through. That jerk had been her boyfriend, and he’d raped her best friend.

“Lindsay needs you. And she needs to express her emotions. Don’t try and stop her from doing that. She trusts you enough to allow you to see her cry. Use that. Help her.”

“Help her how?”

Sasha smiled and patted his hand. “You’re a smart kid. You’ll figure it out.” 

$$$$$

Jess couldn’t sleep.

It was almost three A.M., and he couldn’t fall asleep. With a sigh, Jess heaved his body up off the couch, kicking aside the thin blanket that his legs were tangled in. He rested his head in his hands. Every time he closed his eyes…

He kept seeing them. Every man he’d seen at that stupid party. He kept seeing their faces in his head, wondering which one had been the one. The one who slipped two tablets in her drink. The one who took her into the bedroom. 

The one who hurt Lindsay.

It was driving him insane, and he couldn’t even begin to think what it was doing to her.

He heard a small noise coming from down the hallway. Silently, he stood up and crept to Lily’s door, to make sure she wasn’t under the covers with a flashlight again. If she kept that up, she’d never get any sleep.

Lily’s door was open, and there were no lights on. He heard the noise again, and realized it was coming from the guest room, where Lindsay was sleeping. He strode across the hall and nudged her door open.

Lindsay was tangled in her covers, twisting and turning as if she were trying to get away from someone. “No,” she mumbled. “No, don’t. Please!”

Jess knelt beside the bed. “Lindsay,” he whispered softly. “Wake up.” He reached over to gently shake her shoulder and she lashed out at him.

“No! Don’t touch me!” she exclaimed, clawing at him with her hands.

“Shhh,” he whispered, gathering her in his arms. “It’s okay. It’s me, Jess. You were having a bad dream.”

Lindsay raised her head and opened her eyes slowly. “Jess?”

He nodded.

She sank back into the covers and rolled over. Jess stood up and walked towards the door.

“Jess?”

He turned around. “Yeah?”

Lindsay remained facing the wall. “Would you stay until I fall asleep?”


	12. Elusive Smile

Jess ignored the voice the first time he heard it. Well, half ignored, half wasn’t paying attention. 

He’d woken up that morning in an uncomfortable position on the floor, his upper body resting on Lindsay’s bed, one hand twined in hers. Remembering the previous night, he quickly disengaged himself from her grasp and slipped out of the room, where he collided with Jimmy.

“Oomph!”

Jimmy raised his eyebrows. “My, aren’t we up early.”

“Shut it, Jimmy.”

“Touchy.” Jimmy followed him out into the kitchen. “Is there a fire?”

“Go to hell.”

Jess grabbed the coffee pot and began filling it with water. He hadn’t touched a drop of liquor since the day Lindsay came home. Instead, he was becoming a regular Lorelai Gilmore, drinking large cups of black coffee as often as he could.

“Sasha needs you to pick up some things for her.”

Jess paused. He wanted to lash out again, but it really wasn’t Jimmy’s fault that he was in such a foul mood. “What?”

“She left a list.” Jimmy handed it to him. “She promised me there wasn’t anything girly on it. I was supposed to get to the grocery store for her, but there’s a problem down at the stand and I really have to get down there.”

Jess nodded. “Fine,” he grunted, watching the coffee pot slowly fill with dark liquid.

Glancing at the pot, Jimmy grimaced. “Did you put any water in that?”

Jess scowled at him.

“Okay, okay, I’m leaving.” Jimmy held up his hands in surrender. “Lily’s at the day camp today, make sure Lindsay’s going to be around when the bus drops her off if you aren’t.” With that, Jimmy exited the house.

Jess poured himself a cup of the thick liquid. He didn’t even like coffee that much, but he needed something, and it was the only thing he was willing to do for a buzz of some sort. He wasn’t sleeping much these days, just lying there on the couch, wondering if Lindsay was going to be okay.

“Jess?” 

He looked up to find Lindsay hovering in the doorway, outfitted in a pair of baggy jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, both of which had been confiscated from his suitcase several weeks ago. He wasn’t sure why she wanted to wear his old clothes, but at the same time, he wasn’t about to mention it. Instead, he borrowed some cash from Jimmy and bought a few new things from a cheap vendor on the boardwalk. 

It was easier not to question her eccentricities, the last thing he wanted to do was upset her.

“Yeah?”

“Can you get some goat cheese at the store?”

Jess nodded.

“And chocolate milk.”

Okie-dokey. He wasn’t going to question that one either. Heck, at least she was eating.

x x x

“I heard about your friend.”

Jess continued piling items on the conveyer belt. He had absolutely no desire to talk to her, and hoped that if he ignored her, she’d take the hint and go away.

Astrid wasn’t that smart. “I’m really sorry.”

Gritting his teeth, Jess set the carton of chocolate milk down and pulled out his wallet, retrieving the money Sasha had left for the groceries. 

He knew he should have gone to the store in Marina Del Rey.

“Jess, I-“ She made the mistake of reaching out to touch Jess’ sleeve.

He snatched his arm away. “Get the hell away from me.”

Astrid blinked. “I’m so sorry, Jess,” she whispered. “I didn’t know any of those people. They were all my cousin’s friends. I swear, if I’d thought there was any danger…”

“In case you hadn’t noticed, I don’t want to talk to you.” Jess took a step closer to her, his voice rising with each word. He gritted his teeth, trying not to lose what little control over his temper he had left.

“I wish I’d-“

Jess handed the cashier the entire stack of bills in his hand. “Keep the change,” he muttered, grabbing his bags and making a hasty exit.

x x x

When Jess got back to the house, grocery bags in hand, he heard a very strange noise coming from inside. 

Laughter.

He sighed, wondering how many of Lily’s friends she had talked Lindsay into letting her have over. He pushed the screen door open and went into the kitchen to put the perishables in the fridge.

More laughter.

Jess put the remaining items on the counter and prepared to have to shoo away several of Lily’s day camp friends as he stepped into the living room.

Where he froze.

Lily hadn’t invited any friends over. Instead, she was sitting on the couch next to Lindsay. The two of them were watching some ridiculously unrealistic movie starring the Olsen Twins. 

And Lindsay was laughing.

Smiling. 

He hadn’t seen her smile since the party.

Later that night, he pulled Lily aside and hugged her spontaneously. 

She frowned. “What the heck was that about?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?” Lily still looked suspicious and confused.

“For this afternoon.”

“Oh.” Lily smiled. “I just wanted Lindsay to be happy again. I missed seeing her smile.”

Jess closed his eyes.

So had he.


	13. Not Now

“You’re hired.”

Inwardly Jess cringed and cheered at the same time. Since he obviously wasn’t going anywhere fast, he needed a job. 

Besides, his former roommates in New York had likely been evicted by now.

The down side was that in working at a restaurant, he had to use Luke as a reference. That meant Luke would know where he was.

Not necessarily a bad thing, but the last time they had talked Luke had been pretty annoyed at him for not revealing his and Lindsay’s location. He doubted Lindsay had called her parents. Not with everything that had been going on. 

Jess wanted to say that he’d changed his mind, he didn’t want the job and could he please have his references back? Instead, he simply accepted his uniform and walked home after assuring the restaurant owner he take his first shift the next day starting at eleven o’clock.

“You have some nerve.”

Jess grimaced and immediately regretted answering the phone. “Luke?”

“Damn right.” He sounded mad. “Thanks to you I’ve got Mr. Lister in here every day wanting to know if I’ve heard from you and Mrs. Lister leaving me six hundred messages on my answering machine!” Very mad.

“Then throw out your answering machine.”

“Dammit Jess, this is not funny. They’re worried about their kid. The whole town is convinced you took her hostage.”

“I didn’t kidnap her.” Jess sighed. “Look, she doesn’t want them to know where she is. She’s fine, and over eighteen, so there’s nothing they can do about it.” Another sigh. “How’d you find out I was here anyway?”

“Someone called wanting a reference from me.”

“And?”

“I told them to go to hell.”

“Luke!”

“What? Geez, I told them you were a good kid, a hard worker. And all that despite the fact that you’ve single-handedly managed to make my life a living hell. Do you have any idea how irritating Lindsay’s parents are?”

Jess could hear the television in the next room playing The Real World. “Yeah, I have an idea.”

“Well double it! And talk to Lindsay. Please. The Listers are going to send me into an early retirement.”

x x x

Jess stepped through the door and inhaled deeply. After smelling all the strange concoctions that were passed off as food at the restaurant, it was a relief to walk through the door and smell something as simple as Prego.

“Jess!”

He groaned as Jimmy grabbed his sleeve. “What?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Well, can it wait a minute?” Jess extracted his fingers from the white dress shirt he wore for work. “I need to get the heck out of this shirt before I give in to the temptation to burn it.”

“It’s about Lindsay.”

Jess sighed. “Fine, I’m all ears.”

“She was doing the dishes today.”

“Please tell me there’s more.”

“She had her sleeves pushed up.” Jimmy took a deep breath. “I ran into the kitchen to grab a drink and she yanked the sleeves down really fast, but not before I caught a glimpse of her arms.”

He paused, and Jess was a millisecond away from killing him. “What?”

“They’re covered in cuts and scrapes.”

Jess frowned. “What happened?”

“That’s what I was wondering.”

x x x

“Hey, Jess.”

Lindsay was curled on the bed reading a magazine, once again in a pair of Jess’ worn out jeans and in a long sleeved sweatshirt that had also randomly disappeared from his closet.

Jess said nothing, he just stared at her for a minute. 

“What?”

Her magazine was tossed unceremoniously on the floor when he sat down on the bed beside her. “We need to talk.”

“Um…okay.” She looked a little nervous. 

Jess grabbed her hand, which startled her. 

“What are you doing?”

He yanked the sweatshirt’s sleeve up, revealing deep scratches and scabs up and down her arm. Jess gulped. It was really bad. “What happened, Linds?”

“Nothing.” Lindsay tried to pull the sleeve back down, but Jess caught her other hand before she could. “I was playing with a stray cat and it got mad.”

“Bull.”

Lindsay blinked. “Jess, please. I’m fine, I swear,” she pleaded, trying to get him to let go of her.

“Stop.” He released one hand long enough to pull her sleeve to cover the wounds, but captured her wrist before she could try to get away. “Did you do this?”

“No.”

 

He forced her to look him in the eye. “Try again.”

“I didn’t,” she whispered, but her eyes were closed. She couldn’t lie to him. Not to his face.

“Why?” Jess stared at her in shock, knowing his worst suspicions were true. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I just…I just wanted to.” A pause. “It made me feel better.”

Jess swore. “Lindsay…”

“I’m sorry! I don’t know why I did it! I just…it was easier to hurt than to remember.”

Jess tugged her closer, pulling her head to rest against his chest. “You gotta stop.”

“I know.”

“We have to get you some help. Maybe…I’m going to call that psychiatrist they recommended at the hospital, okay?”

“Okay.” She raised her head.

“Promise me you’ll get help. Promise me you’ll go see the psychiatrist.”

She looked into his eyes. “I promise, Jess. I’ll do whatever you want me to.”

Without thinking, Jess leaned in and brushed his lips across hers, eliciting an uncharacteristic sigh at the feel of her soft lips pressing gently against his. However, all pleasure ended when he realized what he was doing and abruptly pulled away from her.

“Oh, god.” Jess gulped, taking a step away from her. “Geez, I’m so sorry.”

Lindsay blinked, her eyes instinctively filling with tears, although not for the reason that Jess was thinking.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, his stomach twisting and turning as he worried about the ramifications of what he had just done.

“Don’t.”

The word was soft, almost unintelligible, but he heard it nonetheless. “What?” he asked, confused.

“Don’t be sorry.” A few tears slipped down Lindsay’s cheeks and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. “Please don’t be sorry.”

Confused, Jess frowned. “I don’t understand,” he said finally.

Lindsay took a step closer, reaching out her hand to touch his arm. “I really need you to not be sorry,” she whispered, and before he had a chance to respond, her arms were around his waist, hugging him tightly.

Jess stood there for a long time, wondering what was going on. Her arms were still clutched around his waist firmly, and her cheek rested against his chest. Part of him said to hold her back, but he was hesitant. He didn’t want to spook her.

Not now.

His head lowered. He could smell the soft scent of her strawberry shampoo.

Definitely not now.


	14. Not in the Plans

The next day was Sunday, which meant Sasha was putting her foot down and insisting on cooking a breakfast which everyone who wanted to live in the house was expected to appear at.

Jess crept into the kitchen and slid into his usual chair, smack dab next to Lindsay. He kept his eyes focused on a tiny frayed hole in his jeans.

The sleeve of his shirt brushed against Lindsay's arm and she stiffened, feeling her breath hitch. 

Lily, from her usual seat across the table from them, watched the two carefully. She looked over at Jimmy who was making sure Sasha didn't burn the second batch of pancakes. "Did I miss something?"

"Not that I know of." The slight smell of burnt batter appeared in the air and Jimmy nudged Sasha, who flipped the pancake. He glanced over at the table. "Huh."

Lily tapped Lindsay's arm. She looked up.

"You already saw him naked. Why are you acting so weird?"

"No reason," Lindsay muttered quickly.

Jess sat forward, this time his entire arm brushing against hers. "Yeah Lil, nothing's going on."

"Sure." She rolled her eyes. 

Lindsay snuck a glance over at Jess, who was sneaking a glance of his own. She blushed and returned her gaze to her plate.

Jess slid his bare foot across the floor until it was resting lightly against a pair of wool socks that he used to wear on Sundays. 

Lindsay gulped as she felt something lightly caressing the top of her foot. 

A small smirk went across Jess' face as Lindsay's face turned pinker.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Mom, would you please hurry up? Jess and Lindsay are playing footsie now!"

Sasha and Jimmy whirled around.

Lily shrugged. "It's gross."

x x x

A sitcom rerun played softly from the television set while Jess and Lindsay sat uncomfortably on opposite sides of the couch. 

After Lily's embarrassing breakfast questions (including the ever popular 'are you going to be sleeping in Lindsay's room now?') Jimmy had the courtesy to suggest that Sasha, Lily, and him go out for the afternoon.

Jess considered building him a shrine.

As if the whole situation wasn't new enough for him. He didn't have the slightest freaking clue how to act around Lindsay now. This wasn't supposed to happen. Honestly, he'd never expected to get all the way to Venice Beach with her in tow. He'd either expected her to have gone back home to Dean, or for him to have gotten so irritated he abandoned her at the nearest bus station.

Falling for her hadn't been part of the plan.

It still wasn't part of the plan. 

Lindsay sighed heavily. He glanced over at her, worried expression all across her face, chin resting in hand. She looked even more nervous than he felt.

He slid across the couch, stopping when close enough to touch her. "Linds?" he asked softly.

"Aw to hell with it!" Lindsay grabbed his shoulder and kissed him.

Hard.

Jess smiled slightly through the kiss. He could get used to this.

“Is this okay?” Lindsay pulled back slightly, insecurity slipping through her forward moment. 

Jess kissed her again. “Hell, yeah.”

An hour later, Jess had his arms firmly wrapped around Lindsay’s waist while her own were playing with his hair. Their lips had been connected for the better part of that hour, breaking apart only briefly to catch a breath.

“Ignore it,” Jess mumbled on Lindsay’s lips when the phone rang.

She didn’t protest.

The phone rang again.

Seven more times it rang and Jess cursed Jimmy for breaking the answering machine. 

“I’ll be right back,” he murmured, grabbing another quick kiss. “Don’t move.”

That wasn’t a problem, since Lindsay was currently melting into the couch.

“Hello?”

Lindsay tried to hide the giant grin that was plastered across her face into her hands. She’d never felt this happy before.

“She’s not available at this moment.” He winked at her.

Lindsay giggled.

“Mmmhmm.” Jess frowned. “Yeah, I’ll pass on the message.” He hung up the phone.

Lindsay prepared herself for another thorough kissing session, but Jess remained standing. “Are you okay? Who was it?”

“Dr. Jensen’s office.”

Lindsay gulped.

“They said you never went in for a follow up appointment.”

She was silent.

Jess frowned. “Linds…why didn’t you go to your appointment? Was it because of…” he gestured towards her arm.

“No.” She shook her head.

“Then why?”

“I’m scared,” she whispered.

“Aw, Lindsay.” Jess sat down and pulled her into his arms.

She sniffed. “Th-they’ll have to examine me…and give me the final STD test results…I just didn’t really want to know.”

Jess stroked her hair softly. “You have to go.”

“I know.”

“Want me to come with you?”

Lindsay nodded against his chest. “Would you?”

“C’mon.” He tugged her up. “We’ll go make an appointment.”

x x x

“First of all I’d like to thank your boyfriend for getting you to attend this appointment.” 

Lindsay blushed and Jess squirmed as the doctor smiled warmly at them both.

The doctor continued. “Well, the lab has taken a look at your latest blood work, and we’re happy to say that there are no signs of any STD’s floating around in there.”

Jess let out a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding in.

The doctor flipped through the pages. “So, it appears as if you are in perfect health at the…” He paused. 

“What?” Jess gripped Lindsay’s hand tightly. “Is she okay?”

“She’s fine,” the doctor reassured him. “In fact, I believe congratulations are in order.”

Lindsay wrinkled her brow. “What do you mean?”

The doctor smiled warmly. “Well, according to this, the two of you are going to be parents.”


	15. The Choices We Make

“How is she?”

Jess shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“How do you mean?”

Jess stroked the back of Lindsay’s hand absently. “She hasn’t said a word to me in three hours.”

Sasha nodded. “She been sleeping the whole time?”

“She stared at the ceiling for a good hour before she dozed off.”

Jess gave Lindsay’s hand one final pat before he stood up. He gestured for Sasha to follow him into the living room where Jimmy and Lily were sitting nervously on the couch and turned to her. “Tell me what to do.”

“I can’t.” Sasha sighed. “What did the doctor say?”

“He congratulated us and handed me a bottle of prenatal vitamins.”

Sasha frowned. “What?”

“He didn’t check her file, he just read off the test results.” Jess swallowed. “He thought the baby was mine.”

Jimmy cleared his throat. “And there’s no chance it could be?”

“No!” Jess whirled around. “You think I took advantage of her?”

“That’s not what I meant…”

“She got raped, Jimmy!” Jess exclaimed. 

Sasha laid a hand on his shoulder. “We know, Jess. It’s just…well…you two have been getting very close lately.”

“It’s not mine,” Jess said hoarsely. 

Lily spoke up. “If it was his, I don’t think she’d be this upset.”

Jess stared at her for a moment. “I need some air.” With that, he grabbed his jacket and all but flew out of the house.

x x x

He couldn’t breathe. It was like there was a fist closing in around his lungs. Jess gasped as he hurried down the sidewalk, shooting deathly glances at anyone who was in his way. 

His. Dammit, why did Lily have to say that? It wasn’t, and that was that.

They weren’t even like that.

Well, maybe they were going to be. Just not yet. Not now.

Maybe not ever.

Jess stumbled onto the beach, breathing heavily. What the hell was wrong with him? He’d been fine up until they got home. He’d dealt with three hours of Lindsay staring blankly in front of her. 

Why was he so upset now?

x x x

“Sasha told me to bring you some chicken soup.” 

Jimmy set the bowl down on the nightstand and perched on the edge of the bed, next to Lindsay. “If you don’t eat some she might make the chowder.”

A slight nod. “Okay.”

“Are you feeling okay?”

Lindsay blinked at him.

“Okay, dumb question,” Jimmy muttered. 

“It’s okay.” Lindsay sipped on a spoonful of broth. “That’s what Jess always asks me.”

Jimmy nodded. “He got the poor social skills from me, I’m afraid. Liz always knew the right things to say. She still does.”

“I don’t think there is a right thing to say about this.”

The two fell into a comfortable silence. There were no noises except for the soft sounds of Lindsay eating chicken noodle soup and Jimmy’s breathing.

“I just need to say this.”

Lindsay looked up at Jimmy questioningly.

With a sigh, he went on. “We’ll support you no matter what you decide to do, but I want you to remember that you don’t have to…you don’t have to have the baby.”

“What?”

“There are…other options.”

She dropped her spoon. It clattered into the bowl. “You mean… an abortion?” she whispered.

He nodded.

“No!” Lindsay shrieked, backing away from him. She clutched her arms protectively around her stomach. “I’m not killing my baby!”

“I didn’t ask you to,” Jimmy tried to explain. “I just want you to know that it’s an option.”

“No, it’s not,” she said firmly. 

“Okay.”

Lindsay pushed the bowl of soup towards him. “I’m not hungry anymore.”

x x x

Sasha came to collect the bowl of half-eaten soup. “Jimmy is busy removing the foot from his mouth,” she explained.

Lindsay forced a slight smile, but she didn’t look up. Her arms were still wrapped around her middle. 

“If you need to talk,” Sasha began, “know I’m always available. Any time, day or night.”

Lindsay nodded.

Sasha was almost to the door when Lindsay cleared her throat. She paused.

“What am I going to do?” Lindsay whispered. 

“What you have to.” Sasha abandoned the dishes and sat beside her. “I know you haven’t talked to your parents since you left, and they don’t know what’s going on in your life right now, so I’m taking over as a surrogate mom. You’re not alone, and you’ve got a family here that will support you. No matter what.”

Lindsay’s eyes filled with tears as she listened to Sasha’s words. 

Sasha embraced her tightly. “You and this baby are welcome in our home for as long as you decide to stay. As far as I’m concerned, you’re a member of this family.”

“Thank you.” Lindsay let out a soft sob and held onto Sasha as if her life depended on it. “Thank you so much.”

x x x

Lindsay’s mind was made up by the time Jess came back. It was just past midnight, and Lindsay had spent the past four hours thinking of nothing else. She knew she had to make a decision, that putting it off would only make things more difficult. 

So she decided.

It wasn’t easy, but in the end, she was satisfied with what she was going to do. None of the other options had seemed right, and this one did. This one didn’t leave a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Lindsay?”

She turned her head when she heard his voice and gave a half-smile. “Hey, Jess.”

“You’re still awake?”

She nodded. “I had a lot to think about.” A pause. “Where have you been?”

“Out.” Jess took a step closer. “I had stuff to think about too.”

She watched him as he paced slowly. “I made a decision,” she offered.

“Yeah, me too.” Jess stopped in front of her. She reached for his hand, but he evaded her grasp. 

“Jess?”

He focused on a indiscriminate corner of the room. “I’d better go first.”

Lindsay’s heart began to beat faster. “What?”

“We can’t do this.”

“Do what?” She was confused.

“Be….together.”

“W-what?” Lindsay blinked back the tears that were instinctively rising.

Jess began to pace again. “It’s just…a bad time…and you…and me…” He took a deep breath. “Can’t we just go back?”

“Go back?”

“To being friends? Please?” he pleaded. 

“I don’t understand…”

“It can’t be like that with us anymore. Not now.”

She frowned. “Is this…because I’m pregnant?”

He nodded.

“Oh.”

“There’s too much… you’ve gotta understand…”

“I think I do.”

“G-good.” Jess swallowed. “So we’re friends?”

“Yeah, friends,” she said vacantly. “Friends, sure.”

Jess nodded and was almost out the door when her voice stopped him.

“You never asked what I decided.”

He glanced over his shoulder. “No, I didn’t.”

And he was gone.


	16. Making Amends

“Aha!” Sasha held up a ‘Baby on Board’ t-shirt triumphantly. “I knew my old maternity clothes had to be around here somewhere.”

Lindsay grinned. “And to think, you weren’t even pregnant in the eighties.”

“I think a friend gave it to me.” She tossed the shirt over to Lindsay. “Looks like it’s going to make its rounds through another decade.”

“Looks like.” Lindsay folded the shirt carefully and placed it on top of a box as Sasha commenced digging through boxes in the dusty attic. “Thank you so much for this, Sasha. I really appreciate it.”

Sasha shrugged her shoulders slightly. “It’s no problem. Better for the clothes to be in use than just up here collecting dust.”

“But what if you decide to have another baby?”

“Not likely.” Sasha smiled. “At least not now. Jimmy’s too busy worrying about how we’re going to deal with Lily as a teenager. So, unless you’re planning on being pregnant for more than nine months, all these things will be back up here with the spiders before I have another kid.”

Lindsay patted her stomach. “I’m just glad you still have all these, because it’s really depressing to not even be able to fit into Jess’ jeans anymore.”

“Please.” Sasha rolled her eyes. “The boy’s a toothpick. I’m surprised you ever fit into them in the first place.”

“True.” Lindsay giggled.

“He’s the poster boy for male anorexia,” Sasha quipped. 

Absently, Lindsay traced the pink scars on her lower arm.

“How’s the therapy going?” Sasha asked casually.

“Good.” Lindsay settled herself down on the floor to fish through a box for clothes. “See? They’re all almost healed.”

“I see.”

Lindsay sighed. “He made me feel so much better about it. He says since I got help right away, I might never do it again.”

“You have Jess to thank for that.” Sasha observed the way Lindsay’s eyes darkened at his name. “He was really worried about you, still is in fact.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Lindsay pulled out a pair of black stretch pants. “Ooh! These look really comfortable.”

Sasha grinned. “I barely took them off long enough to do the laundry when I was pregnant with Lily. It like wearing butter for pants.”

“Wouldn’t that be messy?”

They both laughed. 

x x x

“Hello?”

“Lindsay?”

She almost dropped the phone. “M-mom?”

“Hi, baby.”

Lindsay’s mouth dropped open as her mother continued.

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too.” Lindsay gulped.

“H-how did you get this number?”

“Don’t be mad. I talked the man who owns the diner into giving it to me. I know, I know that for some reason you don’t want us to know where you are, but I had to talk to you.”

“Are you okay?” Lindsay hadn’t missed the slight quiver to her mother’s voice.

“You’re father had a heart attack.”

Lindsay gasped.

x x x

It was past two when Jess got back from working late at the restaurant. He was grouchy, tired, and all he wanted in the world was a glass of water.

“Oh!” He started when he realized he wasn’t alone. “I didn’t know you were in here.”

Lindsay curled her fingers around the mug of lukewarm tea she held in front of her. “It’s okay.”

Jess shuffled uncomfortably. 

“It’s not contagious.”

“What?”

“Being pregnant.” She took a deep breath. “You can’t catch it.”

He was silent.

Lindsay stared at the mug. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

Jess shook his head. “No I haven’t.”

“You have. Ever since I started showing.” Since she had a slender build, the roundness of her tummy was getting more and more noticeable, especially since until that day she had been trying to squeeze into her old clothes.

He shook his head again.

“My mom called today.”

His head shot up. “You told her you were staying here?”

“Luke gave the number to her.”

Jess swore. 

“It’s okay, she…she just wanted to tell me that my dad had a heart attack.” Her voice wavered. 

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah, it was a mild one…he just…he’s been asking for me.”

“Oh.”

“I have to go to back,” she whispered. “To Stars Hollow.”

Jess nodded.

She started to cry. “I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to my parents.”

“Explain what?”

“This!” Lindsay exclaimed, gesturing to the curve of her belly. 

“Oh.” Jess frowned. “You don’t want to tell them…”

“That their only child was sexually assaulted and is now pregnant as a result? No thanks, I think I’ll pass.” Lindsay let out a slight laugh. “I think it’s safe to say they have enough things to worry about right now.”

“You could tell them it’s mine.”

“Huh?”

Jess shrugged. “I could come with you. You could tell them that it was mine.”

“Besides the fact that it’s a crazy idea, which it is, my father would leap out of his sickbed and kill you for getting his newly divorced daughter pregnant.” 

“Not if we were engaged.”

Lindsay blinked. “Okay, I’m confused. You don’t want us to be together because I’m pregnant, but you’re willing to pose as my fiancé and the baby’s father when we go back to Stars Hollow?”

“Basically.” Jess nodded, shoving both hands into his jeans pockets.

Lindsay rolled her eyes. “Okay, I may be hormonal, but you have definitely flipped your lid.”

“It makes perfect sense,” Jess insisted.

“It makes no sense! You won’t be with me, but you’re offering to be my father’s punching bag? Explain how that makes sense, Jess.”

“Your family wouldn’t be as upset, you wouldn’t have to tell them the truth, and I…” Jess paused as he listed off the options. “It would just make me feel better, okay?”

She shook her head. “It’s…it’s crazy, Jess. I mean, my parents live in Stars Hollow. That means you’d not only be tricking my family, you’d be tricking the entire town. You might as wrap yourself in bacon and serve yourself to Miss Patty for breakfast.”

Jess cracked a smile. 

“You’re crazy.”

“Maybe.”

“Not maybe, definitely.”

“It’s either this or you tell them.”

Lindsay’s face became serious. “It’ll kill my dad…”

Jess held his breath. She had to let him do this. She had to. After all that he’d done to her, this was one thing he could do for her.

One way to try and make up for everything that had happened to her.

After all, he might not have slept with her, but it was still his fault she was pregnant.

“I guess so.” Her voice was soft. “I still don’t think you should but…I can’t tell them.”

So she wouldn’t.


	17. Here Goes Nothing

The plane landed at ten. 

An uncomfortable plane ride had been made worse by the fact that Lindsay and Jess had to get their story straight. The only people who knew the truth were Jimmy, Sasha, Lily, and Luke. To everyone else, they had started dating shortly after arriving in California.

It had been utterly surreal to be discussing their so-called relationship. Especially with Lindsay looking uncomfortable every time Jess called the baby ‘his’ or ‘theirs’. 

He was beginning to worry that this was a bad idea.

“Hi, Luke.” Lindsay forced a smile.

Luke nodded. “Lindsay. Jess.”

“Hey, Uncle Luke.” Jess cringed at the tone in which Luke said his name.

“You got your suitcases?”

Jess nodded.

“I’m illegally parked.” Luke grabbed Lindsay’s suitcase out of her hand and began striding purposefully towards the exit.

They followed.

Once seated in Luke’s truck, Luke nodded towards Lindsay’s midsection as he drove out of the airport. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay.” Lindsay’s hand instinctively went to her stomach. “Tired, but I’m okay.”

“Good,” Luke grunted, shooting a dirty look over at Jess, who sighed.

Clearly he was going to be the bad guy in all of this.

He couldn’t win.

x x x

“Jess.” Lorelai pasted on an obviously fake smile. “Lindsay, hi.”

He glanced at Luke, who shrugged. Apparently Lorelai wasn’t in the loop on this, which was just as well. The fewer people who knew, the better.

“Hi Mrs. Gilmore.”

Lorelai looked at Lindsay in surprise, not expecting such a warm welcome from her.

“Thanks for watching the diner.”

“No problem.” Lorelai was still in shock.

Luke cleared his throat and looked pointedly at Jess, who was standing stiffly in the middle of the diner. All around them, Stars Hollow’s patrons stared at them. 

“I’ll take our bags upstairs,” said Jess gruffly, taking a wide berth around Miss Patty and Babette’s table on his way upstairs.

Miss Patty took a external evaluation of Lindsay. “Lindsay, dear, what is this we see?”

“I’m having a baby.” Lindsay blushed slightly as Patty and Babette continued their conspicuous inventory of her body. 

“Look at her, she’s glowing,” Babette said to Patty.

Lindsay blushed some more.

Miss Patty shook her head. “To have that body, even pregnant! She’s a toothpick.”

“Hardly.” Lindsay placed her hands over her stomach.

“It’s a bump.” Babette smiled. “And a small one at that. We shouldn’t be hogging you, dear. I’m sure your mother is anxious to see you.”

“Right.” Lindsay took a deep breath as Jess reentered the diner. “I’d better go.”

He nodded reassuringly at her. “I’ll be here when you’re done.”

All around them, customers of the diner whispered, no doubt wondering what exactly was going on. Lindsay shuffled her feet, obviously uncomfortable.

Jess walked over and put his arm around her. “See you later,” he said, kissing her softly on the cheek. 

A few audible gasps were heard.

x x x 

Lindsay stood at door, torn between knocking and just walking in. Her mom knew she was coming today, but there were a lot of other things she didn’t know. 

Things she didn’t know and Lindsay wasn’t quite ready to tell.

The choice was taken away from her when the door swung open. “Lindsay! You’re here!” 

The next thing Lindsay knew she was wrapped in a bear hug, crying all over her mother’s shoulder. “Is dad okay?” she asked as soon as she could speak again.

“He’s fine.” Theresa wiped away one of her daughter’s tears. “The doctors are letting him come home tomorrow. He just needs to start eating better is all. Now let me take a look at you.”

Lindsay tried not to cringe as her mom pulled away to take a better look at her.

“Oh my god…”

“Surprise?” Lindsay whispered.

Theresa stared at her in shock. “Dean…?” she began.

Lindsay shook her head. “Jess.”

“Who’s Jess?” Theresa asked gently.

Lindsay took a deep breath before answering. “My fiancée.”

“Oh my.” Theresa blinked rapidly and attempted to smile. “I think we’d better go inside and talk.”

Lindsay nodded and followed her inside where they sat across from each other in the living room. 

Unable to keep her eyes off of Lindsay’s bump, Theresa bit her lip. “Jess was the boy you went away with?”

“Yes. We stayed with his father in California.”

Theresa nodded, finally raising her gaze to Lindsay’s face. “He treats you well?”

Lindsay nodded. “He takes really good care of me, Mom,” she whispered, unable to control the tears filling her eyes.

“Do you love him?”

“Yes.” Lindsay was a little startled by her answer.

“Good.” Theresa folded her arms and forced a smile. “Well, I suppose that will have to be enough. Your father’s not going to be pleased.”

“I know.”

“Where are you staying?”

“With Jess in his uncle’s apartment.”

Theresa cringed slightly. “Well, as long as you two aren’t alone.”

Lindsay didn’t have the courage to tell her that Luke had been spending most nights at Lorelai’s house in the past few months. 

“I didn’t tell your father you were going to be back today. I thought it would be better if we waited until he was home.” Theresa looked down at Lindsay’s stomach again. “I see now that I was right. I’ll call you tomorrow when he’s home.”

Lindsay nodded again. She was beginning to feel like a bobble-head doll. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Theresa stood up along with her and walked her to the door. “Goodbye, Lindsay.”

“Bye, Mom.”


	18. Catching Their Breath

“Are you sure this is okay?” Lindsay looked around the apartment nervously before turning her gaze back to Luke.

He nodded. “It’s fine. I’ll just be staying at Lorelai’s.”

Jess smirked.

Luke shot him a look. “I, uh, made sure there was clean towels, sheet, all that crap. If you need anything, Jess knows where it is.”

Lindsay nodded. 

“I’d better get going.” Luke looked directly at Jess. “Lorelai’s going to be expecting quite an explanation when I get there.”

“Sorry.” Lindsay bit her lip.

“It’s not your fault.” Luke patted her shoulder. “You stay relaxed and get some sleep. Let Jess find you something healthy to eat.”

She nodded.

Jess followed Luke to the door. “Getting to be quite the softy,” he muttered.

“She’s a sweet girl.” Luke leaned in. “Don’t hurt her.”

“Never,” Jess said softly as Luke walked away. He closed the door behind Luke. “Hungry?”

Lindsay shook her head just as her stomach let out a loud rumble.

Jess laughed. “Well, you might not be, but someone is.”

“Maybe a little hungry.” Lindsay flushed a deep shade of red.

Jess nodded. “I’ll fix us something to eat.” He began rustling through the refrigerator. 

“Wait.” Lindsay had sat there for a minute, in her seat at the table before she spoke. 

“What?” Jess looked confused as she heaved herself into a standing position and walked around the table to stand in front of him. 

She shrugged. “It occurs to me that you shouldn’t have to wait on me. I’m just as capable of getting us dinner.” 

“Not according to Sasha.”

Lindsay smacked him. 

He held up his hands in defense. “Hey, I’m just going on what she told me.”

“So, I’m not the best cook.” She shrugged. “Can I at least help?”

“Sure.” Jess nodded. “You grab the phone book, I’ll dial.”

x x x

“I’m soooo stuffed.” Lindsay leaned back in the chair and rested her hands across her middle. 

Jess pointed a chopstick at her. “You’re the one who couldn’t choose between Chinese and pizza.”

“You’re the one who ordered both!”

“I didn’t want a cranky pregnant chick on my hands!”

Lindsay laughed, halfheartedly trying to kick him. 

“What are those?” Jess pointed to her feet.

Lindsay raised her eyebrow. “Feet. I believe you have a pair.”

“Not those.” He made a face. “What’s the pink glittery things on them?”

“Toe socks.” 

“Huh.” He stared at them for a moment. “They look weird.”

She threw a pizza crust at him. “Thanks a lot.”

“Just saying.” 

They were both silent for a minute. “So,” Jess said, spearing the last dumpling with a chopstick. “I’ll sleep in my old room and you can sleep in Luke’s.”

“Uh-uh.” Lindsay shook her head. “No way in hell.”

“Why?”

She glanced towards Luke’s room. “He and Lorelai are together now right?”

Jess nodded.

“Exactly my point.” Lindsay raised an eyebrow.

Jess frowned for a moment until the lightbulb went off in his head. “Ugh! Gross!”

“I’m not sleeping in there.” She laughed at his expression.

Jess shuddered. “You are a cruel, cruel, woman.”

x x x

Jess slept a fairly deep slumber until about 2:17 when the shaking began.

“Jess, Jess! Wake up!” Lindsay hissed, shaking his shoulder firmly and steadily.

His attempts to ignore her were thwarted when she kneed him in the rear. “I know you’re awake you pain in the butt!”

“I’m not a pain in the butt,” he muttered grumpily, turning over. “However I now have a pain in the butt, thanks to you.”

“Stop your whining.” She was kneeling beside him, her face bright pink with excitement.

Jess propped himself up on his elbows and sighed. “Okay, I’m up. Now tell me why.”

She grabbed his nearest hand (causing him to lose his center of gravity and almost topple backwards off the bed) and placed it palm-first against the upper mound of her stomach. 

“What the-” Jess started, then he felt it. A tiny fluttering, almost like the beating of a butterfly’s wings or the brush of someone’s eyelashes against your cheek.

He looked up at Lindsay, straight into her delighted brown eyes. “Is that-?” his voice trailed off as she nodded.

“It’s the baby,” she said softly.

As if on cue, the baby moved again, leaving another of the strange sensations traveling across the warm surface of Lindsay’s stomach. 

“Wow.” Jess smiled. “That’s….amazing.”

Lindsay continued to beam. “You should feel it from my end.”

Jess moved his thumb, lightly stroking the surface of her abdomen. He glanced up and their eyes met once again.

They both froze, in the moment caught between awe and desire.

Lindsay was the first to move, stretching her body out beside him on the bed.

For a moment Jess’ thoughts wandered to when Luke had ditched the twin and sprung for a double bed. Then, he blinked, clearing his mind of all thoughts and slowly laid back down, never moving his hand from it’s place on Lindsay’s stomach. 

x x x

She was warm.

That was the first thought that came across Lindsay’s mind when she woke up. Usually she awoke cold, the blankets having fallen off the bed, or drifted off her feet. Today her feet were toasty and her body all curled up to… Jess?

Lindsay nearly jumped back in surprise until she remembered what had transpired the previous night. The baby moving, waking up Jess in excitement, never wanting the moment to end.

And it hadn’t.

She watched the slow rising of Jess’ chest, or the black t-shirt he was wearing, to be more exact. This was… weird, but in a good way. 

Jess stirred slightly, his body shifting so his face nuzzled up to Lindsay’s. Her eyes widened as he rubbed their noses together.

Definitely a good weird.

Suddenly, Jess stiffened. His eyes shot open. Pulling away, he sat up.

Lindsay followed suit. “Morning, Jess.” She smiled sheepishly at him before heaving herself to her feet and scurrying towards the bathroom.

When she came out, Jess was in the kitchen, wearing nothing but his t-shirt and a pair of plaid boxers. “You and Luke are definitely related,” she remarked, grinning.

“Shut up.” Jess held up a carton of eggs. “Scrambled or over-easy.”

She turned on the radio, flipping stations until she came across one playing an old Pat Benetar song. “Scrambled, definitely.”

Jess watched her skip off to the bedroom, singing under her breath.

And had to catch his.

He grabbed the phone when it rang, still staring after her and not quite paying attention. “Hello.”

“Hello. This is Mr. Lister. I’m looking for my daughter.”


	19. Confrontational

“So, when’s the beheading ceremony?” Jess asked (only half-jokingly) as Lindsay walked out of Luke’s bedroom.

She sighed. “Tomorrow night at dinner.”

“Really?” He looked surprised by her answer. “Not today?”

Lindsay shook her head. “Dad’s still not feeling very good, so my mom threatened his life if he did anything but rest today.”

“Ah.” Jess nodded. That made sense. It also gave him twenty-four hours to figure out what to say to Mr. Lister that would prevent a certain amount of bloodshed. 

Lindsay walked past him into the kitchen, where she poured herself a large glass of milk. “It’s good for the baby,” she explained when she caught his curious glance.

“What are you going to do today, then?” Jess asked, changing the subject. “Go do some stuff around town or stay here and enjoy a long day of cable TV?”

“Your uncle has cable?” she asked incredulously. Luke didn’t seem the type.

He wasn’t. “Lorelai Gilmore would accept nothing less.”

“True.” She frowned. “I’ll probably just hang out here. I don’t really feel like answering all kinds of nosy questions.”

Jess nodded slowly. “That’s okay but… don’t you want to visit some of your old friends?”

“I don’t think so,” she said in a low voice. 

To her surprise, Jess leaned over and kissed her softly on the cheek. “I’ll be downstairs helping Luke out in the diner if you need me.”

Lindsay stared after him as he left the apartment, leaving her to her own thoughts. 

Go visit her old friends. Lindsay snickered to herself, downing the last of her milk and heading into the living room. She’d stopped having anything in common with any of her cheerleader friends when she got married. She seriously doubted she’d have anything to say to any of them now.

Since the pregnancy books Sasha loaned her recommended getting regular exercise while pregnant, Lindsay decided to take a walk. 

Maybe I’ll do a little window shopping, she thought as she walked down the street. It beat watching soap operas or daytime talk shows. Funny, because that would have appealed to her a year ago. She and her mom used to watch All My Children almost every day, and oftentimes put on a talk show while folding laundry or doing other chores around the house.

She sighed. So much had happened in the months she was with Jess. Being back home, it was as if the rest of the world had stood still and only she had moved forward.

“Lindsay?”

Lindsay looked up to see a smiling Korean girl standing in front of her. “Oh, hi Lane.”

“I didn’t know you were back.” Lane paused. “Is everything okay?”

Lindsay nodded. “I came home to spend some time with my Dad.”

“Oh, that’s right! I heard he was in the hospital. Is he okay?”

“I think so.” Lindsay rubbed her stomach in wide circles. “It was only a mild heart attack and the doctors think he’ll have a fairly quick recovery.”

Lane smiled. “That’s good. So, um, I hate to ask about these things,” her gaze went to Lindsay’s waistline, “but the rumor mill in town says that you are pregnant.”

“The rumor mill’s right.” She patted her round belly. “I think it’s pretty obvious now, anyway.”

“Well, you look amazing,” Lane said sincerely.

“Thanks.” Lindsay shifted her feet uncomfortably as there was a short silence.

Lane took a deep breath. “Are you doing anything tonight?”

Lindsay shook her head.

“Are you interested in seeing my band play?”

Lindsay blinked. “I guess… but… aren’t you Rory’s best friend?” she asked, giving Lane a curious look.

Lane shrugged noncommittally. “I used to be. She’s busy with all her Yale friends these days. Besides, she’s not the same Rory I used to know. She’s just… different, you know?”

“Yeah.” Lindsay bit her lip. The Rory she had known in school never would have stolen another girl’s husband.

“So, the way I figure it, we’re in the same boat here.”

Lindsay looked up in surprise.

Lane’s gaze was steady and sure. “I need a friend and you need someone to talk to. Besides, just because you come to see my band doesn’t mean we’re best friends.”

“True.” Lindsay pondered over Lane’s words for a few minutes. She had just been thinking that she was pretty friendless these days, and she had liked Lane’s band the one time she’d heard them play. Jess was forcing her to listen to a small amount of classic punk music so she would know more of the songs this time.

It was a really good bad idea.

“Well?” Lane asked eagerly, smiling at her like an excited puppy.

“Okay,” Lindsay found herself saying.

***

The nightclub was different than Lindsay expected, quieter and full of cigarette smoke. Jess found them a table in a back corner where they could see the stage and not get their eardrums blown out. 

Lane had excitedly introduced her to the band, all of whom she recognized from Kyle’s party except for the lead guitarist who resembled an entire eighties hair band. 

The show still hadn’t started when Lindsay pushed her chair back. “I’m going to go find the ladies room,” she told Jess, and began weaving between tables towards the front of the club, where she vaguely remembered seeing a sign for the restrooms. 

She was nearly there when someone called her name.

“Lindsay.”

Lindsay froze at the familiar voice. She turned slowly to find Dean striding purposely towards her. He looked pissed, which wasn’t a good sign.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded, grabbing her upper arm roughly. 

Instinctively, she began to tremble. “T-tell you what?”

His gaze drifted down to the round bulge of her stomach and she gulped, realizing instantly what he thought he knew. She had been getting steadily bigger for the past month, partially due to the baby and partially due to Dorito cravings.

“It’s not yours.” Lindsay said the words as emphatically as she could.

Dean snorted. “Really? Then why did you run off like that? Why did you tell your mother not to let me know you were back?”

“I ran because you cheated on me!” she exclaimed, yanking her arm away from his grasp. “Or had you forgotten that already? I won’t say it again, Dean, this is not your baby.”

“Then who the hell’s is it?”

“It’s mine.” Jess put his arm possessively around Lindsay’s waist, tugging her into his warmth. She stared up at him, amazed. How was it that he always seemed to be saving her from situations like this. 

Dean glared at them. “Figures. Can’t you find your own woman, Mariano, or do you always have to take mine?”

Lindsay leaned her body against Jess firmly, knowing he wouldn’t fight Dean with her standing that close. Don’t let him bother you, she tried to tell him by digging her fingertips into his side. 

Jess’ voice was slow and calm when he finally spoke. “You didn’t want her. You wanted Rory and you got her, so leave us alone.”


	20. Meeting the Parents

The house was big. It was large, and square, and so suburban that Jess felt his throat tighten as he and Lindsay approached the front door.

He was so busy surveying the perfectly straight rows of pansies that bordered the walk that he tripped over a loose stone.

“Whoa!” Lindsay exclaimed, grabbing his arm to steady him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Jess mumbled.

The door was pink. The house was beige, the shutters a creamy white, and the front door Jess was hesitating at was a pale shell pink.

Lindsay laced her fingers with his before she rang the doorbell.

The door was flung open only moments later. “Hello,” Teresa chirped, holding the door open for them. “Come on in, you guys.”

Jess cautiously followed Lindsay into the house, tugging on the collar of the black polo shirt he had bought that afternoon in an effort to make a good impression.

“Stop fiddling with it,” Lindsay instructed, squeezing his hand. 

Jess had a very bad feeling he wasn’t going to survive this.

Teresa was smiling warmly at Jess, which was making him even more nervous. She had absolutely no reason to like him. As far as she knew, Jess was the man who had gotten her only daughter pregnant.

Unless Lindsay had told her the truth.

Jess shook his head, dismissing the thought. Lindsay had been adamant that she didn’t want either of her parents to know about the rape.

Teresa took their coats and led them into the living room. She motioned for them to sit and Jess perched on the edge of a delicate cream colored sofa.

“Your father’s upstairs resting,” she told Lindsay. “I’ll go tell him you two are here.” She disappeared from the room. 

Jess tried to shift into a more comfortable position. His knees bumped into the coffee table which cause a large porcelain vase to nearly tumble over the edge.

Lindsay giggled at the stricken look that came over his face. “Relax.”

Relax? Hardly possible. Jess found himself wondering why he’d offered to do this. This was almost as bad as when Rory had dragged him to meet her grandmother.

“Lindsay.” The booming voice made Jess’s stomach plummet. Even Emily Gilmore hadn’t frightened him this much.

“Daddy!” Lindsay leapt out of her chair and threw herself into the arms of a large man.

A very large man. 

“Jess, this is my Daddy, Mark. Daddy, this is my fiancée, Jess Mariano.” Lindsay introduced them.

Jess felt sick to his stomach. Mark Lister was an extremely large man whose domineering stance overpowered the room. 

He was gonna die.

Mark turned to Jess, his arm resting across Lindsay’s shoulders. “I hope you’re not planning on making my first grandchild a bastard.”

“Daddy!” Lindsay exclaimed as Teresa yelped, “Mark!”

Jess gulped. “No, sir.”

“Good.” Mark squeezed Lindsay’s shoulders.

Teresa beamed. “I’ll go check on the roast.” Then her face fell. “You do eat meat, don’t you?” she asked Jess nervously, waiting for his reaction.

“Don’t worry, Jess is a carnivore,” Lindsay reassured her.

Teresa sighed in relief and hurried out of the room.

“We need to fatten you up some, girl,” Mark told Lindsay.

She giggled and put her hands on her tiny bump. “Daddy! I’m big enough already.”

Jess was smiling up at her when Mark spoke. “What do you think, Mariano?”

Oh geez, Jess thought. Agree with his fiancé or her father who could easily crush him with a pinkie, heart attack and all.

He was definitely going to die.

***

If Lindsay was as lousy a cook as Sasha reported, well then Jess definitely knew who she got it from.

It took real talent to be able to stomach the cowhide Teresa served on her good china. Jess was pretty sure he even saw Mark spit out a mouthful into this napkin when he thought no one was looking.

“So, when’s the wedding?”

Jess didn’t jump as high this time when Mark spoke. He was beginning to get used to the thunderous tone in which Mark spoke naturally.

“Maybe next year,” Lindsay said quickly. “It hasn’t really been decided yet. We don’t want to rush things.” She bit her lip.

“Rush things?” Mark’s gaze dripped to her stomach. “Getting hitched before your firstborn makes his or her way into the world is hardly rushing into things.” His eyes narrowed. “This is your first child, isn’t it?”

Lindsay closed her eyes in mortification.

“Yes, sir.” Jess had never used the word ‘sir’ in his entire life, but with Mark Lister staring straight at him with murder in his eyes he found himself wanting to punctuate every sentence with the title.

“Now Mark.” Teresa smiled at them and patted her husband’s hand. “Of course they’re going to get married before the baby’s born.”

“Um.” Lindsay’s eyes darted back and forth nervously.

Jess nodded. “Of course,” he told Teresa and Mark seriously.

Lindsay kicked his shin, which would have hurt more if she hadn’t slipped off her shoes under the table. “But then again, Lindsay’s the bride, so it’s really all up to her,” he backpedaled.

“I don’t want to get married in a maternity dress, Mom,” Lindsay said sheepishly. “It’s so tacky.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Mark insisted. “It’s not the taboo thing it was years ago. There’s nothing wrong with you having that little one still growing when you get married.”

“It’ll be a great story to tell your child when he’s older,” Teresa added.

Lindsay cringed. “Mom, then he’ll think the only reason his father and I got married was because I was pregnant.”

“Well, isn’t it?”

Jess felt his jaw drop when Mark dropped that particular bomb. “Excuse me?” he practically exploded.

Lindsay touched his arm. “Jess, don’t.”

“You have no right to say that to her. “ Jess ignore Lindsay and plowed right ahead. “Apologize to your daughter.”

Mark glared at him. “I won’t have you speaking to me like that in my own house…”

“Fine.” Jess jumped up, pulling Lindsay with him. “We’ll be back when you can treat Lindsay and me with a little more respect.”

Mark and Teresa stared in shock as Jess pulled Lindsay out of the room.

***

Lindsay couldn’t get a word out of her mouth until the door was slammed behind her and Jess and they were standing on the front porch. “I left my shoes.”

Jess looked down at her feet, which sure enough, were clad in nothing but baby blue socks.

“My feet were swollen,” she said by way of explanation, and wiggled her toes on the cold concrete.

“Should have taken the car,” Jess muttered. Before Lindsay realized what he was doing, he’d tucked an arm beneath her knees and lifted her body into his arms.

“What are you doing?” she squealed as he carried her down the steps. “You can’t carry me all the way back to the diner, I weigh a ton!”

“Au contraire. You weigh little more than a feather, it’s this baby that’s breaking my back.”

“Jess!”

He shifted his arms. “Relax. I used to carry boxes three times this heavy at Wal-Mart.”

Lindsay giggled. “You worked at Wal-Mart?”

Jess grunted.

“And you wore the little blue vest?”

“It was the uniform,” he replied gruffly.

Lindsay rested her head against his shoulder, reveling in the feel of his warm strength. “Did you keep it? ‘Cause I’ve always had a thing for a man in uniform.”

Jess pinched her butt in response.

“Hey!” she squealed.

He shrugged, tucking her head beneath his chin to hide a smile. “Hey, there’s gotta be some perks to this fiancée thing.”

Lindsay’s face fell. “Are you having second thoughts?”

“Yes.” Jess stopped walking. “I started this to help, and so far all I’ve done is anger and alienate your father.”

“At least you stuck up for me.” Lindsay bit her lip. “Thank you, by the way.”

Jess started walking again. “All I did was piss off a very large man.”

“Dean never would have spoken up like that,” she said softly.

Jess’s grip on her body tightened. “Yeah, well, I think you know by now that I’m nothing like that piece of scum.”

Lindsay closed her eyes. “Trust me, I do.”


	21. Foolish Games

Lindsay placed a bowl full of watermelon cubes in the center of the table. “I hope you like watermelon.”

Lane, who had dropped by a few minutes earlier to chat, grinned. “Doesn’t everyone?”

“Not Jess.” Lindsay smiled a little. “I couldn’t sleep last night and there’s nothing good on television at four in the morning so I woke Jess up and told him I was having a craving for watermelon.”

Lane giggled. “What did he do?”

“Drove to Wal-Mart and brought one home.”

Lane’s jaw dropped. “No!”

“I know!” Lindsay shrugged. “I was totally kidding but before I could say anything, he was dressed and out the door. I really thought he’d just roll over and tell me to ‘bug off’ or something.”

Lane raised her eyebrows. “I can’t picture Jess using the phrase ‘bug off’.”

“Give or take a profanity or two.”

They both laughed. 

“Talk about a change from the Jess I used to know.” Lane stuck a chunk of watermelon in her mouth. “Do you even remember him in high school?”

“Dark brooding and always in trouble?”

“Yeah, and sometimes he came to school.” 

That cracked Lindsay up and the two were still laughing when Jess opened the apartment door, a plate of pancakes in his hands. 

Lindsay and Lane immediately went silent.

Jess rolled his eyes. “You guys really need to brush up on your subtlety.” He placed the plate in front of Lindsay who immediately dug in.

“You know what I’m in the mood for?” Lane turned to Lindsay, an evil expression on her face. “Watermelon. Do you guys have any watermelon?”

The two girls were still laughing when Jess slunk out the door and back downstairs into the diner. He pushed aside the curtain and stepped behind the counter.

Kirk had barely opened his mouth when Jess turned and glared at him. “Kirk, I am not giving you anymore sugar packets until you order something.”

“Sheesh.” Luke watched as Jess began angrily scrubbing the counter with a rag. “What bug crawled up your butt?”

Jess abandoned the rag and threw a handful of sweet ‘n low packets at Kirk. “They’re talking about me.”

“Who?”

Jess motioned to the ceiling. “Lane and Lindsay.”

“Well?” Luke shrugged. “What do you expect? They’re only… well, Lane just turned twenty, how old is Lindsay?”

“I don’t know.”

“You should probably find that out if you’re going to marry the girl.”

Jess glared at him. 

The diner’s door opened moments later and Mark Lister walked in. 

Jess swore under his breath. “I’ll be in the back if you need me.”

Luke was about to switch places in the kitchen with Cesar when Mark came up to the counter. “Was that Mariano I saw heading back there?”

“No, it was my imaginary nephew,” Luke deadpanned.

Mark nodded. “You gonna stop me if I follow him?”

“Nope.”

“Good.” Mark slipped behind the curtain and made his way into the storeroom.

Jess saw him coming as he unpacked a box full of canned goods. He considered trying to hide, but since he was really lousy at hide and seek as a kid, he opted to simply face Mark head on. 

Mark paused in the doorway. “Mariano.”

“Lister.”

“My Teresa has led me to believe I was somewhat imposing last time we met.”

Jess blinked.

Mark sighed. “I didn’t intend to make you feel uncomfortable, I just want to protect my little girl.”

“I know,” Jess replied, holding a can of peas in his hands.

“She’s happy.” Mark looked straight at him. “She’s happy and healthy, so I know you took good care of her.”

“I won’t hurt her,” Jess said softly.

Mark nodded. “I know that now. I just want you to know that no matter the circumstances surrounding this marriage, I’m prepared to pay for any wedding my daughter wants. She deserves the best.”

“Yeah, she does.”

“I also won’t object if you get the urge to break Forrester’s kneecaps.”

Jess would have smiled, but Mark looked at least half serious. “I’ll give you a call if I need bail.”

“Daddy!” Lindsay appeared in the doorway behind Mark, Lane trailing behind. “I thought I heard you down here.”

Mark gave her a hug. “I just came to have a little chat with your fiancée.” 

Lindsay looked incredibly nervous.

Mark had to smile. “Your mother also wants to know if you want to go wedding dress shopping this afternoon.”

Lindsay exchanged a shocked glance with Lane and then looked at Jess, her eyes wide.

“Go, have fun.” Jess smiled at her.

Lindsay looked utterly flabbergasted. “Uh, okay?”

Meanwhile, Lane’s jaw had dropped to the ground.

Mark smiled at Lane. “Bring your friend too. Buy a pretty dress.” He looked at Jess. “I gave Teresa the gold card, so sky’s the limit today.”

“You’re a brave man,” Jess told him.

“I just want my girl to be happy.” Jess followed Mark as he walked back into the diner. Lindsay and Lane trailed behind them, both still in some form of shock.

“My Lindsay deserves the best,” Mark continued.

Jess nodded. “I won’t dispute that.”

Lindsay looked back and forth between them dubiously. “I guess I’d better go buy a dress then?”

“Have fun,” Jess told her, dropping a spontaneous kiss on her cheek.

She blinked and followed Lane out of the diner.

Mark turned back to Jess. “Well, I’d better get home. Teresa keeps hounding me to rest, and they won’t let me return to work for another month, so I’d better pretend I’m taking it easy. Feel free to come by if you get bored, I will be.”

Luke watched Mark leave the diner. “What was all that about? Why is Lindsay buying a dress?”

“For the wedding.”

“What wedding?”

Jess rolled his eyes. “My wedding.”

“Wedding?”

“Is there an echo? Yes, wedding.”

Luke blinked. “You don’t look nervous.”

“I’m not.”

Luke lowered his voice and leaned in conspiratorially. “But you’re not really getting married, right?”

“Your point?”

“If this is just a cover, don’t you think getting a dress is going a bit far?”

Jess shrugged. “You worry too much.”


	22. A Moment Forgotten

Jess was in the midst of a dynamite novel someone in Venice Beach had recommended to him when Lindsay walked into the apartment carrying a large white garment bag.

She leaned against the door and heaved a giant sigh. "They made me buy it."

Jess glanced up, taking in her distressed expression. "Huh."

"And it was really expensive and I tried to convince Mom we should wait but it was so pretty and Lane was no help at all and..." She glared at Jess, who had turned back to his book. "Are you even listening to me?!"

Jess, sensing that she was about to wallop him, set the paperback down on the couch beside him. "You got a pretty dress."

"And?"

"And... are you going to try it on for me to see?"

"Jess!" she screeched, flinging the garment bag down on the table.

"What?" he asked innocently. She wasn't sure if he really didn't know why she was so annoyed or he was just being difficult.

"I bought a wedding dress today and my mother keeps talking about what a nice month April is for a wedding!"

"So?"

Lindsay was two seconds away from hurting him. "That's next month!"

"Yes, I had noticed that April comes after March." Jess rolled his eyes at her.

"B-but!" She was feeling really desperate at that point. "This is supposed to just be a cover! How are we supposed to avoid actually exchanging vows if I have a dress and my mother is seeing what dates the minister is available?!"

Jess came to stand in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Relax. And try on the dress, I want to see what you guys picked out." He kissed her on the forehead and sat back down.

"The groom's not supposed to see the dress before the wedding," she mumbled, heaving a giant sigh as she lifted up the garment bag. She started walking towards the bedroom.

"Didn't you just remind me that this isn't real?" he called after her.

Lindsay sighed and ignored him.

Once inside the bedroom, she laid out the garment bag on top of the bed and carefully unzipped it. Once the dress was exposed to her eye, she stepped back and stared at the delicate garment in front of her.

The simple empire waist dress looked extremely small laying there on the bed, but the bias cut enabled it to expand exactly where she needed the extra room, over her steadily growing tummy and pregnancy induced D cups. The salesman assured them that the dress would look perfect on her whether she got married in her ninth month or decided to wait until after the baby was born. With that statement, Lindsay had run out of arguments and her mother was having the dress wrapped.

Lindsay slipped out of the jeans and t-shirt she had worn out shopping and carefully took the creamy white dress off the padded satin hanger. She let it slip over her head and smoothed the fabric over the curve of her stomach. The baby moved, and she closed her eyes, reveling in feeling the life inside her. 

Jess hadn't picked his book back up after she left the room, Lindsay soon found out. He was leaning against the arm of the stuffed chair, facing her, waiting for her to come out.

She was too busy trying not to trip over the long skirt to see Jess's sharp inhalation as he caught sight of her. She was too busy biting the nail on her index finger to see him reach out to touch her, then draw away as if something had burned him.

By the time Lindsay looked up, she only saw the expression of awe and appreciation in his eyes.

"You look beautiful," Jess said simply. 

Lindsay blushed and hurried out of the room, slamming the door behind her. She leaned against the door, her shuddering breaths doing nothing to assuage the rapid beating of her heart. 

For a moment, just a moment, she had forgotten why he was here.

***

“Here it is.” Lane stood beside a tiny wooden cradle.

Lindsay gaped. “Oh my gosh, wow! It’s beautiful!”

“John Kennedy’s third cousin slept in it.” Mrs. Kim appeared as if by magic from behind a pile of furniture. “Sturdy oak cradle. Gives good dreams to good babies.”

“Wow,” Lindsay repeated, smiling. “It’s a lovely piece Mrs. Kim. How much is it?”

Mrs. Kim named a price.

Her smile faded. “Oh.” Lindsay shrugged at Lane. “I guess my baby’s not meant to sleep where a Kennedy cousin did.”

Mrs. Kim clucked her tongue.

Lindsay turned to Lane. “I don’t have much left in my savings from before the divorce. I’ve kind of been mooching off of Jess since we got here. If I didn’t think he’d pitch a fit I’d try and look for some kind of part time job.”

“Can you dust?” Mrs. Kim interrupted.

Lindsay nodded.

“Use a vaccum cleaner and a broom?”

“Yes.”

Mrs. Kim nodded. “You may work here if you wish.”

“Really?” Lindsay’s eyes brightened.

“I sell antiques.” Mrs. Kim gestured around the room. “Antiques have antique dust that needs to be scrubbed. I could use a hard worker that appreciates the antiques.”

Lane hugged Mrs. Kim. “That’s perfect! Jess couldn’t say no to Mama.”

Lindsay giggled, trying to picture Jess standing up to Mrs. Kim.

“You work here three days a week, I throw in the cradle for free.”

“The cradle?” Lindsay stared. “Oh no, I couldn’t.”

“You could,” Lane urged.

“I tell my men to pack it up.” With that statement, Mrs. Kim whirled on her heels and disappeared.

***

Teresa took a sip of her mug of steaming tea. She had won a permanent place in Luke's heart when she requested tea instead of coffee. "You must be excited about tomorrow," she said to Jess.

"Tomorrow?" Jess snuck a glance over at Lindsay, who seemed to be concentrating very hard on the three shriveled up french fries left on her plate after a highly greasy dinner with her mom at Luke’s.

Teresa mistook the meaning of his glance and smiled. "Well, you'll finally get to see that baby of yours, won't you?"

For a split second Jess thought she meant Lindsay was having the baby tomorrow, but then his common sense took over and he realized it had to be something else. "What's happening tomorrow?" he demanded of Lindsay.

Lindsay had the good sense to look embarrassed. She'd been trying to avoid this.

"The ultrasound of course," Teresa jumped in, unaware of the tension that was steadily increasing between her daughter and Jess. 

“You’re having an ultrasound?” Jess asked, trying to restrain his irritation.

“I got a job today.”

Teresa and Jess were silent. Now they both were staring at her with their mouths open.

“And a cradle.”

***

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

It had been two hours since their dinner with Teresa and Jess hadn’t said a single word to Lindsay since.

She tried another tactic. “I didn’t think you’d be interested.”

“What time?” Jess stopped in his tracks less than a foot away from her.

“The appointment?” Lindsay swallowed. “Um, ten-thirty.”

Jess gave a terse nod. “We’ll leave at ten.” He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a beer. 

Lindsay stared. “You can’t come,” she protested.

“Wanna bet?” He took a swig, unconcerned.

“I don’t want you there!” she insisted, then sighed. “I don’t even want to be there.”

Jess set down his can on the table and walked over to where she was standing awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen. “What do you mean?”

Lindsay swallowed, avoiding Jess’s eyes. “It’s not just an ultrasound… they have to… they have to examine me too.”

“Is that hard for you?” Jess put his hands on her shoulders and moved closer, his breath tickling her forehead.

She nodded without looking up. It had been easier in Venice, Sasha had taken Lindsay to her appointments and kept her distracted up until the very last second, so she couldn’t be nervous. But even then, Lindsay had avoided going as often as she should until her doctor, a kindly middle aged man, sat her down and explained exactly what terrible things could happen to her and the baby if she didn’t get proper prenatal care.

That had helped for awhile, thinking about the baby, but since she came to Stars Hollow she’d been reluctant to make an appointment, even after it was clear she was going to be there until the baby was born.

Two weeks before, Teresa had used the ‘Mommy card’ and insisted on finding her an obstetrician. Lindsay had lied, telling her that Jess was too busy to come, but clearly work hadn’t worked this time, since the doctor had scheduled an ultrasound.

“Lindsay,” Jess murmured, his voice slightly raspy as he tugged her closer. “Look at me.”

Lindsay took a deep breath and titled her head up, trying to control the rapid beating of her heart as she found their faces only inches apart.

Jess kept a steady gaze into her brown eyes as his hands slipped from her shoulders to cup the sides of her abdomen. “This baby is as much mine as she is yours, Linds. Don’t shut me out.”

“I didn’t mean to,” she whispered, trying not to shiver.

“If you don’t want me there for the examination part of your appointment, that’s fine, but I don’t want you to have to be alone if you don’t want to. You forget what we’ve been through.” He smiled wryly, remembering that day in the hospital, after the party. “If you need a hand to hold, trust me, I won’t be looking anywhere but your face.”

Lindsay giggled and rested her cheek on his chest. “I’ll think about it, okay?”

“As long as it’s a ‘yes’ for the ultrasound.” Jess slid his arms around to Lindsay’s back and buried his face in her hair. 

“Of course,” she murmured, closing her eyes. “Of course you can come.”

And for one more moment, she let herself forget.


	23. Tired of Pretending

Lindsay had a hidden mean streak that seemed to be coming out more and more in regards to Jess. She had him convinced almost daily that she was going into premature labor, a prank which sent her into peals of laughter and Jess a few years earlier into the grave.

Their arrangement was a strange one to say the least, Jess posing as the loving and caring fiancée in public and them cohabiting nearly as brother and sister in private.

Or well, they at least fought like brother and sister in private.

Take the ultrasound for example. Jess was banished to the waiting room during Lindsay’s examination, then called in when the doctor was ready to do the ultrasound. He stared and touched her stomach reverently as the fuzzy black and white image of the baby appeared on the screen, but as soon as they were back at Luke’s apartment he admitted that what he saw on the screen looked like some kind of tapeworm eating out her insides.

Lindsay of course bopped him on the head with a couch cushion, and they completed the evening with some Chinese food and watched High Fidelity.

Lindsay still prefers About a Boy.

Everything seemed to be going fine until Jess realized that he had overlooked one large thing when he’d formed this brilliant plan.

And her name was Liz.

“How dare you!” Liz burst into the diner one day when Jess was giving a couple the omelets they had ordered.

He blinked. “Liz?”

“I am your mother after all.” She pushed aside Kirk and sat down at the last free table. “Sixteen hours of labor and a hell of an episiotomy and I find out you’re getting married from Taylor?”

Jess cringed, partially from the episiotomy, partially from his oversight. “Uh, surprise?”

“Nice try.” Liz glared at him. “You have some nerve, Jess William Mariano. We may not be the closest of mother and son but it would not kill you to pick up the phone and say ‘hi mom, I’m getting married’!”

“Hi Mom, I’m getting married?” he tried.

Luke had the poor timing of passing at that moment. “Did you know about all this?” Liz demanded to know.

“All what?”

“That my son is getting married.”

Luke glanced at Jess. “They’re living in my apartment, it would be pretty hard to not find out.”

“You’re living here?!” Liz screeched, and Jess cringed.

“Just temporarily.”

“We’re living in the same town!” Liz threw up her hands in exasperation. “We’re living in the same town and I don’t even know my only child is getting married. It’s not that Rory girl is it?”

“No!” Jess exclaimed.

“Well how am I supposed to know? It’s not like you keep me up to date on these things.” She turned her evil glare onto Luke. “And you! My own brother, keeping this secret from me.”

“I wasn’t aware it was a secret,” Luke remarked dryly, giving Jess a pointed look.

“I forgot,” Jess said by way of explanation, which sent Liz off on another tirade. 

“You forgot! You forgot your own mother!”

This was the point when Lindsay stepped through the curtain and into the diner. Jess motioned wildly for her to go back, but unfortunately she wasn’t moving fast enough those days.

Liz’s jaw hit the floor. After ten minutes of ranting, she was silent.

Lindsay glanced at Jess and then came over to stand beside him.

“Liz,” Jess said gently, putting his arm around Lindsay’s shoulders, “this is Lindsay.”

Dead silence.

“Hello Mrs. Mariano.” Lindsay smiled warmly at her.

“whatevertjslastnameis,” Jess hissed under his breath.

Lindsay continued to smile. “I’m sorry. Whatevertjslastnameis. It’s very nice to meet you.”

Jess held his breath.

“I’m gonna be a grandmother!” Liz exclaimed suddenly, jumping up from her chair and throwing her arms around Lindsay, who stumbled and widened her eyes in shock.

Luke snorted. “That went well.”

“Shut up.” Jess grabbed a dishcloth and began washing the counter as Liz chattered away happily to Lindsay.

That had been a close one.

***

The wedding plans were moving forward, fast. Lindsay was freaking out more and more as the days passed, and Jess wasn’t, as uncharacteristic as it was. Neither of them were quite sure why that was.

The calmer Jess was, the more frantic Lindsay got. Her mother set a date for the wedding. A date! A date that was only two weeks away and nothing she said could get Jess to panic the way she wanted him to.

Not even after the intervention.

Jess had been kidnapped two days before, forced to endure a ‘pre-bachelor-party’ insisted upon by T.J. and Mark, who insisted he was spending too much time with women and needed a ‘man’s night out’. 

The incident which preceded the kidnapping involved T.J. bursting into Luke’s apartment uninvited and without knocking when Jess was sneaking a peek inside Lindsay’s copy of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”. He was deemed ‘contaminated’ by the female species and immediately removed.

Now Jess was sitting on an uncomfortable stool at a too-tall table in the recently built Hooter’s in Hartford wondering if the men’s room had windows big enough to fit through or if some nice waitress might smuggle him out in her bra.

Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Eventually he faked a stomach cramp and escaped out the back door. Mark and T.J. didn’t seem to notice, they were busy concentrating on the ‘buffalo wings’.

His life really was getting strange, Jess reflected as he drove back to Stars Hollow. It had been under a year since he had left Stars Hollow with Lindsay, and look at how his life had changed since then.

Jess Mariano was getting married. It was supposed to just be a cover, at least at the beginning, but lately… he didn’t know. In theory he should have been scared stiff by the wedding dress hanging in the closet next to his Metallica T-shirt, or by the pregnant woman sleeping in his old room, but he wasn’t. It was all just very comfortable and… right.

Lindsay wasn’t the woman he had thought she was. A year ago he would have laughed his head off if anyone had suggested he would be in this situation. She was so much stronger, so much more powerful. She wasn’t the annoying girl he had met at Kyle’s party. She was so much more.

Jess had known for awhile that he was falling in love with Lindsay. He had avoided it, just as he had avoided thinking about what was going to happen when the day of their supposed wedding arrived. There was no doubt in Jess’ mind that he wanted to marry her, to take care of her and the baby, but lately she had been so distant. She looked stressed and tired, especially when her mother and Lane were over talking about wedding details.

Lindsay didn’t understand, but Jess had been responsible for her ever since he let her into his car and brought her with him to California. 

And even then, he had known that it all was going to change.

Like he did now.

* * *

Lindsay looked up when Jess entered the apartment. She had been sitting on the couch, the television muted, staring at the tiny ultrasound photo Jess had taped to the refrigerator. 

“Are you okay?” Jess asked, shutting the door behind him.

No, she thought, but she nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“We’ve always known this would have to end sometime,” Lindsay said softly, arms wrapped protectively around her stomach. 

Jess looked up in surprise. “Huh?”

“It wouldn’t last,” Lindsay murmured, more to herself than to him.

“This.” Lindsay motioned. “This can’t last much longer.”

Jess stared at her. “What exactly are you saying?”

“I don’t know.” Lindsay sighed then shook her head. “Forget I said that. I know exactly what I’m saying.”

“Which is?” Jess leaned forward in his confusion.

“I’m tired of pretending.” Lindsay swallowed and closed her eyes briefly. “The charade’s over. You don’t have to protect me anymore. I know you have this theory that I got raped because of you somehow but…”

Jess cut her off. “It was because of me. It was my fault, Lindsay, I should have taken care of you.”

She shook her head. “It is not your fault. I wanted to be there, I took a drink from a stranger. You don’t have to take care of me anymore.”

“I still don’t understand,” Jess said softly.

Lindsay took a deep breath. “I don’t want you to pretend to be my fiancée anymore. I’m tired of pretending.” Her eyes began to well up with tears and Jess reached for her, but she pushed him away. 

“I can take care of myself,” she declared, standing up. “I don’t need your pity or your guilt.”

“Lindsay-“

“I have to go.” And with that, Lindsay rushed out the door grabbing a duffel bag he hadn’t noticed was sitting beside her and leaving a stunned Jess in her wake, wondering what the hell he’d done wrong.

And how he’d lost the best thing that had ever happened to him.


	24. The Misgivings of Love

“Thank you so much for letting me stay here.” Lindsay perched on the edge of a chair while Lane wrestled open the sofa bed. Brian was reading in the bottom bunk and Zach was out working late at his ‘day job’. 

“No problem.” Lane gave one section of the frame another swift kick and the rest of the bed unfolded, rusty hinges creaking loudly. “But I really wish you would sleep in my bed. I feel bad making you sleep on something Zach and Brian pulled out of someone’s trash.”

Brian lowered his book. “Hey, we washed it.”

Lindsay smiled a little at him and turned back to Lane. “I really don’t mind. And tomorrow I’ll work up the courage to go talk to my mom and you guys won’t have to put up with me anymore.”

“Stay as long as you like,” Lane reassured her. “It’s nice having another girl around. And, I made Brian promise he wouldn’t ask before you got here but, I can’t resist. What exactly did Jess do? Should I go get my baseball bat?”

“Only if you’re going to use it on me,” Lindsay muttered. “It wasn’t him, I assure you. It was all me. This is all my fault.”

“What could you have possibly done that resulted in you having to leave?” Brian asked.

Lane shot him a death look and he retreated behind his book. “The boy who we’re going to pretend isn’t here has a point. What could you have done? In my experience, it’s always been Jess who was the stupid one.”

Lindsay couldn’t help but smile, although she wasn’t particularly in the mood for jokes. “Yeah, well, I made the biggest mistake I could have.”

“Sounds serious.” Lane put down the green sheet she was holding and sat down on the edge of the mattress. “You want to talk about it? I think there’s some Rocky Road in the freezer unless Zach found my hiding place.”

Brian frowned. “There’s no ice cream in the freezer.”

Lane leaned closer to Lindsay. “Inside a bag of frozen peas. Safest place in the world.”

“I’m such an idiot,” Lindsay murmured, she hadn’t even been listening to the exchange between Lane and Brian. 

Brian exchanged looks with Lane, then abandoned his book to join her on the sofa bed. “What happened Lindsay?” he asked softly.

Lindsay rested her head in her hands. “I fell in love with him.”

There was a brief silence.

“If you were marrying him, wouldn’t you have already been in love with him?” Brian asked, looking at Lindsay, confused.

Lindsay sighed. “Normally, yeah. But I never seem to do anything normal.”

“I’m confused.” Lane stared at her.

“It was a sham.” Lindsay pushed her hair out of her face. “We made it all up. Jess and I were never engaged, this isn’t his baby. He just agreed to take the blame because I was too scared to tell my parents.”

Lane stared. “If the baby isn’t Jess’, it isn’t…”

“No!” Lindsay exclaimed. “No, it is definitely not Dean’s baby. I can guarantee that.”

Brian swallowed. “Whoa.”

Lindsay nodded. “Yeah.” 

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want,” Lane said after a moment, squirming, “but if it’s not Jess’ baby, than whose baby is it?”

Lindsay let out a little sob. “It’s a long story,” she said, blinking back tears.

“We have time,” Brian assured her.

Over the course of the next hour, Lindsay told Lane and Brian everything, from Jess finding her on the sidewalk crying to the night he offered to pose as her fiancé. It felt so good to get everything out, to finally tell someone the truth that she didn’t cry as much as she thought she would. After she got past the initial fear of telling them, the story went by fairly dry eyed.

“Oh, Lindsay.” Lane hugged her tightly as she finished the story. “I don’t know how you survived all that.”

Brian nodded. “You must be a really strong person.”

“I don’t feel like it.” Lindsay made a face. “I feel like I could have avoided all of this if I had just told my parents the truth instead of taking the coward’s way.”

“If you were a coward, you wouldn’t have told us the truth,” Lane told her. 

Brian swallowed. “The problem is, we’re not the ones you should be telling.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Lindsay said softly.

“I mean, Jess might like to hear some of this truth.”

Lindsay blinked. Deep down inside, she knew Brian was right. She should just get a hold of her fear and tell Jess the truth, that she had fallen in love with him and she wanted more than just a pretend relationship.

But then that fearful part of her took over, and she shook her head. “I can’t.”

 

 

* * *

“Fine!” 

An angry looking couple shoved past Luke as he entered the diner. He stared off at the rapidly retreating couple before moving inside the door.

Two elderly regulars who were probably too deaf to hear the commotion and Kirk were all that remained in the diner.

Luke started to head behind the counter and into the kitchen when a voice stopped him. “Huh?”

“I said, I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.” Kirk calmly took a sip of his drink.

“Cesar in a bad mood or something?” Luke asked.

“Not Cesar.” Kirk shook his head. “Jess.”

Luke frowned. “Where the hell is Cesar?”

Kirk shrugged. “Home maybe?”

Luke was more than a little annoyed. “Why would he be at home?”

“Because Jess fired him this morning.”

Luke swore under his breath.

“I can only assume he’s upset about Lindsay leaving him yesterday.”

“What?” Luke exclaimed. No one ever told him anything. “She left? Why?”

Kirk shrugged. “No one’s really sure although Patty has a few colorful theories.”

Luke sighed.

The elderly couple in the corner stood up. “If nobody’s even going to bother to take our order than we’re leaving!” The man announced loudly.

Luke and Kirk watched wordlessly as the couple left, slamming the diner’s door behind them.

Luke shook his head. “Lock the door behind you when you leave.”

“Sure.” Kirk returned to his meal.

“Jess?” Luke called softly as he stepped into the kitchen.

Jess was off to one side at the counter, angrily throwing a burnt burger on a bun. “What?” he snapped.

Luke leaned against the doorway. “You’ve driven away every customer except for Kirk.”

Jess didn’t answer.

“Why did you fire Cesar?”

Jess stopped preparing the burnt burger. “I don’t remember.”

“Think I’ll be able to hire him back if I promise to keep you away?”

Jess’ answer was muffled. “Probably.”

“Good.” Luke studied Jess’ hunched stance. “What happened with Lindsay, Jess?”

Jess swallowed. “I don’t know.”

Luke didn’t say anything. 

“Sorry about Cesar and the diner,” Jess mumbled.

“That’s okay,” Luke said. “Keeps him on his toes.”

Jess nodded.

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” Jess said truthfully. “I really don’t know.”

* * *

“That’s it, we’re boycotting Luke’s,” Zach announced when he got home that afternoon.

Lane rolled her eyes at him. “I can’t boycott Luke’s, I work there.”

“Right.” Zach frowned. “Well, you should quit.”

“Why?” Lane asked, rolling her eyes.

Zach dropped his coat on the floor. “Because he’s letting his nephew run the diner. This girl Lindsay dumped him and today he threw scrambled eggs at my head.”

Lindsay came out of the bathroom just then and Zach paled.

“Hey Zach,” she said softly, falling back into the couch.

Lane rolled her eyes. “Zach, remember the lump on the pull out couch last night that I told you was a friend staying over? Meet Lindsay.”


	25. Misery to Perfection

Jess stopped helping out in the diner. In fact he stopped doing much of anything besides reading and sleeping. He barely ate, probably wouldn’t have touched anything if Luke hadn’t force-fed him a meal each night.

“You have to stop this.”

Jess looked up as Lorelai stormed through the apartment door without knocking. He blinked up at her from his chair. “Excuse me?”

Lorelai crossed her arms and came to stand right in front of him. “If you don’t stop moping around in here and go after that girl Luke is going to implode.”

“Luke has nothing to do with this.” Jess returned to his book.

“He has a lot to do with this.” Lorelai snatched the worn out copy of Tender is the Night out of his hands. “He’s worried about you.”

Jess leapt up, and seriously considered hitting her. The last person who had dared to take away his book had been TJ, and Jess had very nearly given him a black eye for his wedding day. “You have some nerve!” he shouted.

“I have some nerve?” Lorelai yelled right back. “Me? At least I give a rat’s tail about Luke’s feelings, which is more than I can say for you.” 

“I care about Luke’s feelings!”

“Then why have you holed yourself up in here letting him worry himself to death about you?”

Jess deflated. “I didn’t mean to make Luke worry.” He sank down into his chair.

Lorelai sat down on the edge of the coffee table. “Well then, what are you doing?”

“I was reading,” Jess muttered.

Lorelai silently handed him back his book. “I don’t know what happened between you and Lindsay, but I do know you’re visibly miserable. Visibly and loudly miserable, from what Luke’s told me.”

“Do you have a point?”

“Not usually.” Lorelai gave him a little smile. “But today I do. Do you want to be miserable for the rest of your life?”

Jess glared at her.

“You lost Rory,” Lorelai continued, “Or she lost you, depending on which time you’re talking about, but that doesn’t matter. I admit, I was skeptical when Luke told me that you and Lindsay were getting married, but then I saw you two together. You changed around her. You weren’t that cranky tough guy who stole gnomes and drove Luke crazy. You looked over at Lindsay and suddenly you turned into one very responsible adult who was willing to let Mark Lister castrate him over a baby that isn’t even his.”

Jess’ head shot up.

“Come on. Luke has been living at my house for the better part of two months. He can’t keep secrets from me.” She paused. “Although I never did find out where he hid my Porn Star t-shirt.”

Jess almost smiled.

“Go get her,” Lorelai coaxed.

“I don’t even know where she is,” Jess murmured. 

Lorelai dragged him out of the chair and over to the window over the sink. She pointed out the window towards Kim’s Antiques where Lindsay was sweeping the front porch.

“Oh.” Jess swallowed.

* * *

Lindsay paused in her sweeping and pressed her free hand against the side of her stomach. Stupid Braxton hicks contractions were really starting to hurt. She’d had herself (and Lane) convinced the day before that she was in labor, but then the contractions disappeared as swiftly as they had come and she realized it was just the ‘false labor’ she had read about in her pregnancy books.

False or not, it hurt. Lindsay was not pleased to have a preview of things to come. Now that she knew how much the ‘practice’ contractions hurt, she was really dreading the real thing. 

Lane had tried to talk her out of going to work that morning, but she desperately needed the distraction. Surprisingly Mrs. Kim took her side, reminding Lane that when Lindsay did go into labor she couldn’t just rush there after the first contraction anyway. They had to wait until they were closer together and besides, it was good for her to stay on her feet as long as possible.

Lindsay wanted to kiss Mrs. Kim.

She resisted, but she did give the older woman a warm hug when she arrived at work that morning. Lindsay was still uncomfortable around her mother, and the Kim’s had really taken her under their wing.

“Lindsay!”

She looked up when Mrs. Kim called her name. “Yes?”

“You’ve been sweeping the porch for twenty minutes. It is clean. Come inside and have some tea.”

Lindsay didn’t protest, although she did cringe. She had a bad feeling Mrs. Kim knew exactly why she had spent so much time sweeping the porch, and it wasn’t because of the BH contractions.

It was the window above Luke’s diner.

She knew Jess was still staying there, because of the gossip system in Stars Hollow, and thanks to Miss Patty’s frequent visits to the Antique store she also knew that he hadn’t left the apartment in over a week.

Darn her, but she was worried about him.

Lindsay hated that she was worried about him. Even more, she hated the fact that she was doubting her decision to leave. Maybe it would have been better to just stay for awhile, make sure he was okay.

She reminded herself that Jess was a grown man as she replaced the broom in a small closet and weaved through the thin aisles of furniture to the kitchen. At the very least he had Luke and Luke would take care of him.

It wasn’t her responsibility to worry about anyone but herself and this baby.

“You still are having contractions.” As usual, Mrs. Kim made a statement instead of asking. 

Lindsay nodded. “On and off, yeah.”

Mrs. Kim handed her a cup of herbal tea she insisted was good for the baby. “And you are sure they are just these Braxton hicks contractions?”

“Pretty sure.” Lindsay sipped her tea. 

“How long?”

Lindsay shrugged. “A couple of hours maybe.”

Mrs. Kim nodded. “How far apart.”

“I don’t know uh,” Lindsay winced as another contraction squeezed. “Every ten minutes maybe?”

Mrs. Kim sipped her own cup of tea calmly.

“They can’t be for real,” Lindsay said, biting her lip. “The baby isn’t due for two more weeks.”

“Babies do not often stick to the doctor’s timeline,” Mrs. Kim observed.

It suddenly struck Lindsay that without Jess, she didn’t have anyone to be with her when she actually was in labor. Whenever she’d pictured the big event, she’d always assumed he would be with her.

Now he wouldn’t be.

“Ow!” Lindsay exclaimed as another contraction took her by surprise. She panted for a minute, then looked up at Mrs. Kim. “That was less than five minutes,” she whispered, her eyes widening with fear.

Mrs. Kim set aside her teacup and pulled Lindsay to her feet. “Now it is time to go to the hospital.”

Not without Jess, Lindsay thought to herself, blinking back tears.

Not without Jess.

* * *

Lindsay had just had her longest contraction yet when Lane came running into her hospital room.

“Are you all right?” Lane exclaimed, rushing over to the bed.

Lindsay opened her mouth to lie and say she was fine, but the truth came rushing out before she could stop it. “I can’t do this alone. I need Jess.”

Lane froze. 

“I need Jess,” she repeated, blinking back tears. “Please.”

Lane pulled a cell phone out of her pocket. “I have to go outside to use this.”

Lindsay nodded. 

As Lane found herself leaving Lindsay’s hotel room less than five minutes after arriving, she prayed that Jess would come.

* * *

Luke flung the apartment door open much like Lorelai had earlier in the day. Jess, who had just pulled a beer out of the fridge, looked up in annoyance. “Doesn’t anyone knock anymore?” he muttered.

“Put that down, we’re leaving.”

Jess raised his eyebrows. “Leaving to go where?”

“The hospital.” Luke threw a pair of sneakers at him.

Jess caught the sneakers, then dropped them on the floor. “These aren’t even mine.”

“Lindsay’s in labor.”

His eyes widened, and he pulled on the sneakers. 

Luke kept his mouth shut until he pulled up at the emergency entrance to the hospital. “Don’t hurt her.”

“I already have.” Jess reached for the door handle, then paused. “But if she’ll let me I’m gonna make it up to her.”

Luke nodded.

Jess jogged through the hospital hallways, trying not to run people over as he followed the signs for the Maternity wing. Before the nurse at the desk had even finished pointing towards Lindsay’s room he had taken off again, throwing open the door and striding in before he could wimp out.

Lane, who had been sitting in a chair by Lindsay’s side, dropped her hand and jumped up. “I’ll be in the waiting room if you need me.” She hurried out of the room.

Jess took a step closer. Lindsay was too busy concentrating on the contraction at hand to do more than glance up at him. He resisted the urge to flee. Seeing her in pain like that made a wave of nausea shudder through his body.

Lindsay let out a breath as the contraction eased. She blinked up at Jess, who was still hovering several feet away. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Jess swallowed. “Uh, so you’re… having the baby.”

She nodded.

“That’s,” he paused, desperately searching for a word. “That’s good I guess.”

“They tell me it is.” She gave a forced smile.

Jess shuffled his feet.

“I’m sorry,” Lindsay blurted.

“Huh?” Jess was confused. What could she have to be sorry about?

“I should have been more honest with you,” Lindsay hurried, wanting to finish with all of the talking before her next contraction hit. “I should have just told you the truth instead of running away from the way I feel.”

Jess swallowed. “How do you feel, Lindsay?” he asked softly.

“More for you than I should,” she stated honestly. “I know you were just being nice to me but, I couldn’t help falling for you.”

“Fa.. Huh?” 

Lindsay let out a giggle. “That’s kind of how I always imagined you reacting.” She winced as another contraction began.

Jess took a step closer to her bedside. “I’m not good at stuff like this.”

“Yes you are.” Lindsay reached out and grabbed his hand, dragging him to her side. “You’re always exactly what I need you to be. And right now,” she gasped, “I need you to hold my hand and not pass out, okay?”

Jess gulped. “I’ll try.”

“Succeed.”

* * *

Luke and Lorelai watched as Jess wandered into the waiting room and collapsed into one of the plastic chairs. 

“Well?” Lorelai asked, leaning forward. “Did Lindsay have the baby yet?”

Jess nodded. “It’s a boy.”

“Name?” Lorelai prodded.

“Brad.”

Lorelai grinned. “As in Pitt?”

“As in the anesthesiologist who provided the epidural.”

“So how come you’re not in there now?” Luke wanted to know.

Jess leaned his head back and closed his eyes. “She’s feeding the baby.”

Lorelai rolled her eyes. “And you punked out?”

“Yes,” Jess said emphatically. “I punked out.”

“You just watched the woman give birth and you can’t handle her breastfeeding?”

Jess opened his eyes. “Lorelai, the only thing I watched was Lindsay’s forehead and the gray flecks on the wall behind her.”

“Mark and Theresa just went to the cafeteria, I’m going to go find them and tell them the news.” Luke disappeared out of the room.

Lorelai was smiling at Jess. “So, what did you think?”

Without missing a beat, Jess replied, “I am never having sex again.”

* * *

Lane cracked up at the hesitant knock on the door. “It’s safe to come in again.”

Jess poked his head in, not quite sure he could trust her, but Lindsay was sitting up in the bed with the baby crooked in one arm, fast asleep. He slipped into the room.

Lane picked up her purse. “I’d better get going. Mama’s going to want to hear all about baby Brad.”

Jess nodded at her as she left, then turned back to Lindsay. “Hey.”

“I think we’ve already progressed past ‘hey’.”

“Probably.” Jess sat down in the plastic chair by her bed. “You feeling okay?”

“Better than I was an hour ago,” Lindsay said with a smile.

Jess was astonished. “I do not know how you can smile after what you just went through.”

Lindsay looked down at the tiny infant snuggled in her arms. “I can’t not smile when I look at him. He’s perfect.”

Actually he was red and wrinkly and a little cone headed, but Jess wasn’t about to argue with the woman. If she thought her baby was perfect, than he was.

“Want to hold him?”

No! Jess wanted to scream, but Lindsay was already leaning forward to place the bundle of blankets into his arms. He swallowed hard as she leaned back, leaving little baby boy Brad resting precariously in his arms. 

Jess glanced down at the baby, who squirmed slightly and opened his eyes. Brad’s blue eyes stared straight into Jess’. This was the baby who had kicked Jess’ hand while he was still in his mother’s stomach. This baby was the reason Jess had faced off with Mark Lister and swore to take care of Lindsay.

This baby was one of the reasons he couldn’t let go.

“Lindsay?” Jess asked softly, shifting the baby in his arms.

She looked at him with sleepy eyes. “Yeah?”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t,” she murmured.

Jess took a deep breath and looked back down at the baby. “Lindsay?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Marry me?”

“Yeah.” Lindsay closed her eyes with a happy smile on her face.

Jess sat by her side, holding Brad in his arms until a nurse returned to take the baby back to the nursery. Then he held Lindsay’s hand until she woke up, still smiling.

He never had been able to walk away from her.


End file.
